When Words Aren't Enough

That can apply to many people. To those loosing loved ones. To the victims of the tragedies in the South. And in a small way, but significant to us, to tonight's game. You see, Boom lost his first game, again.

Last year he wasn't ready. He underestimated their size and talent. This year he didn't. This year he tried to prepare...

I knew when Boom left before 6AM this morning that I wouldn't see him until after midnight. I asked one of the football moms to call and let me know how things were progressing so I wouldn't be so nervous all evening wondering what kind of mood Boom would be in when he got home. She called at the end of the first quarter and it wasn't good. But when she called at half time I told her she didn't need to call me again unless a huge turnaround happened. It was 41-7.

It's not like our opponent isn't worthy. They were District 10 champions last year. But the thing is, Boom has been focusing on this team for the last two MONTHS. He's poured over more game films than I care to count. He hasn't even LOOKED at the other games, yet. He knows he can win those if they try. But he wanted to win the one no one thought they could win. And he wanted to beat the team they'd have to beat if they were to get a District Title this year.

Some men can be comforted with words and kisses. Mine can't. And even if I can get him to come to bed instead of analyze the film with should's and shouldn't's...he'll be faced with it when he wakes up to the front page of the sports section.

I prayed all day for him. I so wanted to talk to him, to wish him luck one last time. I knew how much this meant to him. I just wish I could make it all better, somehow.

The Mom who called me told me her son, this being his first varsity game, messed up his first snap and it led to the first opposing touchdown. But he redeemed himself with a second good snap, and my Boom shook his hand. She said that's what makes him a good coach. I smiled, because I already knew.

I'm so proud of him. And I know he knows that. But just as he thinks I'm beautiful, it's another thing entirely for me to BELIEVE it. And that is his problem when it comes to his work. Whether teaching or coaching, he needs to prove to himself that he is good, and tonight is a HUGE setback to that.

Not that he won't work through it eventually, though this weekend will be filled with more downtime and sighs than elation, obviously. And I need to give him that space and time. God knows (and I mean that!) how often he lets me have my moods and rants.

Even today I was contemplating the fact that I wish I hadn't been born; that my kids would be better with a better mother, and no one else has benifitted from me in a life and death way. And even Boom's salvation could have come about eventually if someone else had told him.

And I know that's not true. I do have worth, though at times I can't see it. And he's the same way. Why is our self worth so often based on things we see and do instead of the one who created us? A Rembrandt would be the same if it was not called thus, but because it IS called thus, it is made valuable.

And we are GOD'S workmanship, created in Christ Jesus....

And yet here we are feeling as small as pond scum...

And I just wish I knew what to say to make it all feel better.