Tuesday, July 19, 2005

I was so tired last night that I forgot to mention our trip to the zoo on Friday. We had a pretty good time, though it was very hot out. And of course, the zoo robbed us of six dollars so we could ride the train around the park and Pumpkin and I could ride the carousel (her first.) I would have taken Rugger, too, but that would have been another 2 dollars! When we got home we ate at Subway (I love the flavored bread! Oh, to have the time again to make my own!) and got Pumpkin a Aunt Annie's pretzel. Then we went home where Boom discovered the lawn mower he got worked and then we went to the in-laws and took a dip in the pond.

Oh, and I found out that the lawyer admitted to making the mistake on our house taxes, and is suing the previous owners for the money, so he'll pay us if he has to, but it will get taken care of. Good.

Anyway, today I did find Rugger's birth announcement, or rather Boom found it on microfilm at the library, which was a huge help. I've only messed with microfilm once so I never even thought about using it to help us, and I would have been lost. Anyway, I also had to get a book from the Warren library that I tried to request through inter-library loan but didn't get for reason too pointless to explain here.

And that's when I discovered two stupid things about the library. One: you can't return inter-loaned books at any location, including the one they came from, except the one you picked them up at. (In other words, I tried to return books from Warren that I got here in Sugar Grove, and was told to take them back.) Two: if you forget your card, you must pay a dollar to get a new one, even though you are already in the system. Oh, well. "Free library" around here never seems to mean that. The "free library" in Jamestown charges $10 dollars if you are out of state, and you have to pay to park in the parking lot to boot. I think knowledge should be free, but I also understand that they have to have money to keep up the building, the employees, buy books and video, etc.

Afterwards Boom and I ate at a Chinese buffet in town, which was considerably empty for lunchtime, but still good eats. We discussed homeschooling, in part because of the blogs I've been reading here lately, and in part because even my cousin, who understands changing the view you've been raised with, and who has been living in a different culture for 3 years, told me to make sure that my kids don't become social misfits. I told him that was the least of my worries...

I worry that I don't fit the prototype for homeschooling. You see, I don't fit the prototype for anything I do. I'm not a militant anything, but it seems like most people who chose the same choices I do are militant, and I am afraid that they will attack me for not being as strong minded as they are. I do the family bed, but I'm not against those who don't. I breastfeed, but I don't think that everyone should strive to nurse for 3 years. And I'll homeschool, but not because I think it's what everyone should do, but simply because it's what I believe we should do.

I want to homeschool because I think there are better ways of educating our children. More personal, more individualized, more different, out of the box, ways. But my husband is a public school teacher. And I believe in what he's doing, as well. I know he cares for his kids. I know his hands are tied and that his own teaching style is a bit, ah, "unrefined." But the kids love it. A lot of kids labeled losers by other teachers thrived in his classroom. Yes, he has to play with the politics, which is just as frustrating to him as it is to parents because he had to pass 3 students this past year who had been failing all year. Not students who were trying hard but not quite getting it, but students who, when he was forced to give them a second chance, had their parents do the work for them. He hated passing them. But he would have lost his job if he hadn't. And in the end, the parents in this case obviously only cared about the kids passing as well, or they would have helped sooner.

I think this is one reason we'll make good homeschoolers. Boom can tell me where some kids go "wrong" with homeschooling (the ones that weren't taught anything at home except how to "obey the Lord.") There are some parents who don't educate; that won't be us.

And we both agree we want the kids to attend the high school, for various reasons, though I won't mention them now in case someone does disagree, since I'm not ready for that battle, yet. And I hope that decision doesn't mean I'm on the "out" group of homeschoolers.

I'm the kind of person that likes Black & White. Then I know where I stand. But the world isn't Black & White, it's grey. And even God's will for our lives has many shades of grey that are left up to our "free will" choice. And I hope and pray that I find the best choices for our family. But I won't be shooting down others in the process.

Yes, I will defend myself. It's a habit ever since I first uttered the words "I'm having a home birth." I will feel a surge of anger is anyone puts down homeschooling, and I will quote all the facts I've learned about the benefits of homeschooling. But in the end, if you don't homeschool, I won't think less of you. I just hope you don't think less of me. And I hope those who choose the same as me won't think less of me for not carrying it out to the fullest extent. I'm only human, too. And the best I can do may not be as good as the best you can do, but that doesn't mean my kids will turn out less than yours. Lets face it: if we are totally honest, we can admit that there are many public school kids who turn out not only fine but who thrive. And I've seen public school kids more attatched than my family ever was. I've seen public school kids who didn't conform to today's standard but set their own path. I think it has a lot less to do with the how's, and more to do with the why's. If we as parents are consciously working to be a part of our kids lives, then that is the ultimate factor. There are studies out there on both sides of every issue that if we searched we could find convincing arguments on both sides. I choose to find the ones that support my decisions, but I know that our culture has a majority that is opposite of my choices, and if you placed these children in a room together, you couldn't tell the difference: slept with Mom, or crib in own room? nursed for 2 years or bottlefed from the beginning? homeschooled, public schooled? private schooled? Combination of the above?

So, in the end, I must believe that all that matters is that I believe in what I'm doing. There are studies to support it, history to prove it works, and my gut feeling. And in the end, all I can do is hope I do a good enough job at whatever choice I made to make it worth it. In a way, I at least know that I didn't just follow the crowd. I chose the hard path. I did the research. I dug up the facts. I answered all the nay-sayers. Deep down I would like to be able to look back and say, "See, I told you I chose the better choice. Look how much better my family is than yours!" (The human nature is never too far from evil.) But I can't. Because they may not be. Someone else may get a Pulitzer prize. Someone else may become the next Mozart. Someone else may have a better relationship with their mother. But that's okay. I didn't do it to be better. I did it because I felt it was right our me and for mine. And that has to be okay, because some days that's all I have.






On a personal rant, Circumcision is one of those issues that I'm in the minority on (in the US anyway) but not militant about, either. I chose not to circumcise, but not because I believe it's a mutation to do so, but simply because I couldn't find enough reasons to do so. But I think that since God created Man, and invented Sex, and commanded Circumcision, it can't be all that bad since His chosen people were marked in that way. Was it humbling? That's my personal guess, but mutating or cruel? I personally don't think so...
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