A day for thinking...

Sometimes I wish I could turn my mind off, I think too much. Today for the first half of the day, I felt really down. No reason that I could find, just felt down. I had a whole house to clean, my youngest didn't want to let me leave the room without crying, and it's hot out. Not that it's hot in here, but it didn't help my mood. And Boom was gone this morning getting something done, so I missed him.

Luckily, he helped out with the kids and took them into the kiddie pool out back while I got most of the cleaning done. Then he semi-watched them while talking on the phone so I could finish cleaning and get a shower in. I felt a lot better with a clean house. Won't last long, but I enjoyed it anyway.

Pumpkin was great at church. She told me all day she would be happy in the nursery, and she walked right in and was! I hope this means she's over the whole negativity thing she was doing. Buddy even did good with only a short pout after I snuck quickly away (if he sees me leave, he won't stop crying and I would've had him with me again.) It's not that I don't want my kids with me, it's just that I can't concentrate if they are. And I know many people with my problem who don't go to church for that reason. Makes me wonder what God really expects of Moms....I just don't think it's true that kids should cry so I can have some time alone, even if it IS with God. He made my heart, so he knows it breaks if they cry too hard and long. And then I wasn't listening to the message I wanted to hear, anyway.

So, I had a good time in class, though it figures that only have the class was there on the one good night I had.

Then Pumpkin wanted to play on the playground, and I let her for a little while, though she peed again which I thought she might and I knew I should've made her pee in the nursery bathroom. She's been trained for a month now, with not any accidents at all, then all of a sudden she's been peeing in the car, on the playground, in the living room, at the dinner table, random times and random places. I hope it's normal, because I feel bad about telling her she's wrong, but at the same time I don't want her thinking she can pee anyway anytime and not use the potty.

And then when I came home tonight, Boom was in a down mood, and I never know how to help him. I try, and he appreciates it, but I think he just needs to work through things sometimes. And then I read a blog that I identified with, but that also made me feel down because I don't know how to make her feel better, either. But at least it made me feel better because once again I feel not so much alone.

But now here I am, alone at my computer, Boom trying to sleep upstairs but his thoughts too many, and I just wish I could turn off the thoughts and be happy.

And yet I am. I am happy that I am...that I have been blessed to live the life I have. That I have the freedom to type this and not be afraid. That I can think for myself and choose. That my family, for today, is here - safe, secure, and satisfied.

I will save my worries for tomorrow. Goodnight.