Friday, July 25, 2008

Down

Tonight I'm feeling down. From nothing in particular, and yet from lots of things combined. Stupid little things that make me feel stupid.

And I miss Boom. I hate when he's away. It just feels as if I'm not all here when he's gone. Even though things are hectic right now with the babies and all, we still feel complete at the end of the day when we're lying in bed together and our family is all there. And I don't get to tell him all the itty bitty details of my day since there are people here to hear our conversation, and people there to here him as well. And so my day isn't complete, I'm not at rest, and he isn't here to make me feel better, which he always does.

Why is it that sometimes when it seems like you should have nothing to complain about, there are little things that loom larger than life, and you feel so minute and insignificant, or worse you feel like the worst thing alive. I feel like I've been had, and less than what I am. And I know there's no basis for these feelings, but that's why I need Boom.

It's like the movie "Jerry Maguire" where he says, "You complete me." That's how it is with us. Boom may not be a runway model. (thankgoodness because I'm sure as heck not, and I'd be always afraid of him leaving me if he WAS the kind of guy every girl looked at!) But he IS the kind of guy a girl wants when she's feeling down. When the world turns against her, when she needs someone to believe in her.

Boom has always been my biggest fan. My strongest defender. And he's the only one who absolutely thinks I'm always beautiful (even with unshaven legs, glaringly white skin, frizzy curly hair, red cheeks, and all the other quirks that are me.)

I know there are a lot of people who can't stand the thought of spending every minute of every day with their spouse. But not me. I used to work with him once, on the night shift. And people were amazed that we got along. But we THRIVED that way. Being together constantly. The only downside is we get along SO well we don't tend to get our jobs done (like at home, I don't get cleaning done and he doesn't get schoolwork or work around the house done.)

But otherwise, we'd rather be with each other than with ANY ONE ELSE ANYWHERE. Period. We have our hobbies, but to be honest, even those we try our best to share because we WANT to be with the other person.

This isn't suffocating to us as it is to some. I've heard many women complain that they want their husbands out of the house because they annoy them. I've heard women complain about a lot more with their men. And I guess I'm shocked that so many women only picked their husband on his good looks or something, because they really don't seem to like the man at all.

So Boom, I love you. Very much. And I miss you. And every time you're gone, even for a day, I pray that you will safely return to me. For without you I am literally lost. I can't function. And I'm glad you forgive me for the stupid stuff I do without you. I feel like we truly have merged into one and that when you're not here, it's like I'm missing an arm and trying to make up for it but end up acting clumsy instead....

So please come back. Soon.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

A Year Has Passed

Well, the twins are now a year old, and they didn't even get a proper birthday. No presents, barely a cake, and hardly any family.

BUT, they got to see fireworks! We went to Boom's brother's house on the river where they just moved in, and their neighbors come up once a year from Pittsburgh with a bunch of friends (rich folk) and put off a VERY good show of fireworks, right there on the river.

VERY, VERY, nice. We loved it, and it was the first fireworks Pumpkin and Rugger got to see, too. We didn't make it to any parades or anything else because it's just too hard with the babies. We did go to Pittsburgh early in June and had a WONDERFUL time at the zoo and especially the hotel and then briefly in the city. The kids loved the elevator, and Boom and I missed the diversity of the people in large cities. We decided to make it an annual trip, we had so much fun.

But on to now. Birdie is finally walking. She is SUCH a cutie! She's definately stolen our hearts. For all the doubt we had about whether we'd be okay with "just" another girl, we wouldn't have had to worry. She had us both tied around her fingers. She makes faces all the time, and when she laughs, you feel like you discovered a beautiful secret all of a sudden. She loves holding small things, and won't let go of what she wants. She'll push Booger, hit him (though to be fair it's often in a "I like you" sort of way) and crawl over him if she wants to get somewhere or take something from him. She likes kicking her little feet while sitting on the edge of seats, and can down food pretty quickly without making a mess like her brother does, even when he DOESN'T down the food.

She enjoys the animals. She'll pet and pat the cats, and loves patting and petting Boomer when we go on walks. Her little chubby hand just barely reaches him over the stroller bar. She'll still stick our her tongue with new foods or if she doesn't like something. And make that "plttt" sound. She also is still shy with anyone knew and will cry if left alone in a new place or if someone looks at her the "wrong" way. She's also quick to cry when things scare her.

Booger is just always on the go. Walking around just for the sake of walking. And often tripping over his own feet more than over toys. He wants to eat anything we do, and then some, including paper, kleenex, dog food, and especially dirt. He loves sippy cups, like his sister, and he tries to drink from regular cups but still chokes. He understands the command to sit (as in in the tub or on the stairs) and likes to dance to music. He sort of says "Dad" and "bye" and "hi." He and Birdie both liked swimming in the large pool at a friends, though he took longer to warm up to the idea. Birdie just loved it right away.

He also will NOT let go of the phone. He knows his don't work, and he won't settle for them. He'll chase around the phone all day, and when he gets it, he'll "talk" into it and press all the buttons. Pencils are another favorite with both babies.

Rugger is still into his trucks, tools and trains. He also is starting to venture out and become his own being. He'll tell me he can't help me because "his back hurts" (he hears his dad say this after chopping wood) and he'll get frustrated when he can't do something as good as Pumpkin or us. He is wonderful to the babies, and just loves them. But of course because of them he can't play with all his little toys where they can reach them. I expect next year will be a lot better for him. He was so happy to get a saw from the outpost, that he asked if he could cut wood IN the house. I told him "yes" and he reminded me that bits of wood would get everywhere, to which I reminded him that it was just pretend, and he says, "Oh...yeah" and smiles his goofy grin.

He still struggles with some words, and though he USED to say "spider" and "smile" it's now been "fpider" and "fmile" for a few months. I know he can say the "s" sound, so I hope he outgrows it. He loves playing in mud puddles and loves his lizards and bugs and spiders. If only I could get him not to lose things!

Pumpkin is still into creating things. She's made a wallet (it's not brown yet because it didn't go through that part of the factory, yet) and many "paper books" (I've been waiting my whole life to make one of these...) She is less quick to help out now (you gotta love those toddler years when they are cooperative most of the time) but is very conscientious. She still doesn't like being bad and getting into trouble, and is very empathetic. She likes making friends, and I need to be more proactive in getting her together with them. The other day before supper I was getting the food on their plates, and she says to me, "Move the hats out of the way...and for goodness sake, the potty!" because the travel potty was sitting on the table at her spot.

I find that the way they get along together makes me so proud, and yet at the same time it's the same thing that annoys me so as they are always wrestling or jumping or running together and I'm afraid they will get hurt, not to mention the noise. So it's hard to know what to do. Again, I look forward to the next year as things get easier with the younger ones.

So that's where we are at. And books - some day I'll actually be reading them again with the kids. I read my own for now, though I'd rather play in clay, but that, too, will come in time.

And now my head is spinning and I need to sleep.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

DSL and You Tube

Well, we're finally moving up in the world. We succumbed to an offer from the only DSL around, and got both caller ID AND DSL...what could be better?

Anyway, I actually was inspired to make a movie about our births finally, since I love others on You Tube, and Boom bought a new software to use for his highlight films and such for football (he sends them to prospective colleges for his seniors.)

So here it is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPPP9isUEIA

The music is from a CD I had playing during Caleb's entire birth. That might still be my favorite birth, even though this last one was less painful...

Anyway, I am reading Dean Koontz's Odd Thomas for the first time, so I will be going now.