Friday, July 25, 2008

Down

Tonight I'm feeling down. From nothing in particular, and yet from lots of things combined. Stupid little things that make me feel stupid.

And I miss Boom. I hate when he's away. It just feels as if I'm not all here when he's gone. Even though things are hectic right now with the babies and all, we still feel complete at the end of the day when we're lying in bed together and our family is all there. And I don't get to tell him all the itty bitty details of my day since there are people here to hear our conversation, and people there to here him as well. And so my day isn't complete, I'm not at rest, and he isn't here to make me feel better, which he always does.

Why is it that sometimes when it seems like you should have nothing to complain about, there are little things that loom larger than life, and you feel so minute and insignificant, or worse you feel like the worst thing alive. I feel like I've been had, and less than what I am. And I know there's no basis for these feelings, but that's why I need Boom.

It's like the movie "Jerry Maguire" where he says, "You complete me." That's how it is with us. Boom may not be a runway model. (thankgoodness because I'm sure as heck not, and I'd be always afraid of him leaving me if he WAS the kind of guy every girl looked at!) But he IS the kind of guy a girl wants when she's feeling down. When the world turns against her, when she needs someone to believe in her.

Boom has always been my biggest fan. My strongest defender. And he's the only one who absolutely thinks I'm always beautiful (even with unshaven legs, glaringly white skin, frizzy curly hair, red cheeks, and all the other quirks that are me.)

I know there are a lot of people who can't stand the thought of spending every minute of every day with their spouse. But not me. I used to work with him once, on the night shift. And people were amazed that we got along. But we THRIVED that way. Being together constantly. The only downside is we get along SO well we don't tend to get our jobs done (like at home, I don't get cleaning done and he doesn't get schoolwork or work around the house done.)

But otherwise, we'd rather be with each other than with ANY ONE ELSE ANYWHERE. Period. We have our hobbies, but to be honest, even those we try our best to share because we WANT to be with the other person.

This isn't suffocating to us as it is to some. I've heard many women complain that they want their husbands out of the house because they annoy them. I've heard women complain about a lot more with their men. And I guess I'm shocked that so many women only picked their husband on his good looks or something, because they really don't seem to like the man at all.

So Boom, I love you. Very much. And I miss you. And every time you're gone, even for a day, I pray that you will safely return to me. For without you I am literally lost. I can't function. And I'm glad you forgive me for the stupid stuff I do without you. I feel like we truly have merged into one and that when you're not here, it's like I'm missing an arm and trying to make up for it but end up acting clumsy instead....

So please come back. Soon.
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