I find that right now, at this point in my life, I am learning to be content. Truly. I have a wonderful husband, two beautiful, healthy children, I have a good-sized house, we just bought a used 11-year old van, and we are getting a new lab puppy next week. I have a hobby I'm loving, Boom has a job he loves most of the time, and I'm actually feeling at home in this area.
And yet on days like these it all comes down again. I hate how hormones can control me so easily. Last week my son was fussy every night until I finally knew we needed a doctor and found both an ear infection and some pneumonia. Then my daughter starts up with croup. I missed church Wednesday and Sunday feeling guilty as anything. But I was still content. I was glad for the things I had and happy about our lives.
Until today. Today my kids were happy and playful. The sun was out. I relaxed most of the day. But I feel down. Depressed. Worthless. Like I'll never be successful at my hobby - I don't even deserve to play with play-doh. That I'm a horrible mother who can't get my daughter to eat healthy food anymore and I'm not exactly the best example setter in that arena. I can't stand Rugger nursing to sleep many times because it's just irritating now. And worse, yesterday I actually felt I had a better time at Apples of Gold, opening up some more and being assured that I was accepted. But now I feel that I used it too much for my own selfish therapy. That I'm going to be dreaded for company because all I ever talk about is me.
And it's true. I'm so darned desperate for company that when I get ANYONE to listen, I go on and on and on. And I can't stop. Or if I do, I come home and get depressed.
But if today wasn't today, and if I wasn't in that week before womanhood makes it's appearance, then I'm pretty sure I'd be feeling fine today. Because it was sunny out. And I have a wonderful husband, two great kids, a house, income, a "new" mini van, and a dog on the way.
And what more could I really need?
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1 comment:
Hang on. :-)
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