A whole week and nothing much to write...I got the house cleaned up and sorted out the VBS craft stuff. I worked on the logos for our book discussion group at the library, and I guess I finally got a logo for myself, if I ever get a kiln. Which is silly that I even worried so much about it. I tried different elements, different fonts...and I came up with this:
To me it's still missing something, though I don't know what, but it's the only one that Boom liked that I liked. I know he's not the all-knowing one...but if he doesn't like it, I figure someone else may not, either. And if he doesn't "get" what I'm trying to say with it, chances are that others won't, either. So, there it is for now. Maybe I've just stared at it too long and it's just fine...
And then I spent 3 hours trying to get it to open in Adobe Photoshop from Adobe Illustrator, but the stupid font (ITC Kabel) wouldn't come up, so after trying everything I can think of, I finally consult the website, and eventually give in to the support hotline. Adobe is the only support line that I actually appreciate. They are actually very knowledgeable and quick and always nice. Should've tried that first...
So after downloading another program for another hour (I finally cleaned during the wait) I finally got it to open right and work on it in Photoshop...making it look like an imprint in clay, etc.
Other than that, I was discouraged this week because I want to find some cheaper clay classes around here. I know there's one class, if still around, up in Erie (hour away.) But the next thing I found was at JCC (Jamestown Community College) up in New York, only 10 min. away. Thing is, it's $700 for 3 credit hours since I'm living in PA. It's half that if you live in NY. And Edinboro (near Erie) has, like, 5 classes, but each would be probably $450 or so, Boom said.
And I don't know if they are necessary, it's just that I feel like I'm a fraud, or a fake, or something. Heck, I don't even have a kiln yet, so maybe I'm just crazy... But when I do get one someday, if I don't know all the in's and out's of ceramics, does that mean I'm less than an amateur? If I simply buy the clay I like by the look in the book, and pick a few bottled glazes instead of mixing my own, does that make me a wannabe? And does it matter? I mean, I'm not doing it necessarily for the sake of pottery, anyway. I'm doing it because it's a cheap medium (minus the kiln) but it's also the most durable medium, for sculpting. I am a sculpture, not necessarily a potter. Not that I've sculpted more than a few months, even, but my point is that I don't claim to be a potter, really. So is it so bad if I don't know what all the minute details are? I sure hope not. Because unless I can find a workshop around here, I can't afford to take a class anytime soon, if ever.
I finally gave Pumpkin a small haircut. I gave her some bangs. But I cut them way too short. I know I read recently in a kids mag to cut their hair when it's wet...but I never did like doing so. I tried cutting lower knowing they'd bounce back up, but you'd think I was aiming for the roots for how they turned out. Oh, well. They'll grow back, I figure.
I wish I could see her through eyes other then my own. I honestly am afraid that other people think she is ugly...and it's very sub-conscience, which bothers me. I don't want to think of her as being ugly, but she looks so much like me...
For example. We had the pig roast (meeting with lots of food where Boom tells the players' parents about the upcoming year and rules and such) and one of the other coaches was looking at the two of them (Pumpkin and Rugger) and says, "You can tell their siblings"...which is true, but my immediate thought is, "Do you think he's ugly too?" Then yesterday I was buying some fleece for a poncho and hat for the games and the girl cutting the material says, "She's a cute girl." And I wonder if she says that because one can't very well say, "Boy, she's kind of on the ugly side..."
I think she is cute some of the time. But the only she gets, the harder it gets. She has too much of me. With Rugger, I see nothing but cute, cute, cute. He is absolutely adorable. And more people have said so than did with Pumpkin. But I don't like my own face at all. Not a bit. It's not a too-big nose. It's not one thing, really, though I don't like my nose, and my eyes are too squinty (she got those, too.) But I look in the mirror and I look like a boy, or something. I don't know. I just know I have never looked in a mirror because I want to see how good I look. I look because I have to make sure my hair is okay, or something.
Boom is gone at the Big 30 game (all stars from local high schools), so I'm alone tonight. I haven't started my next book, yet, so I might as well scan in a pic of the family so you know who's who. At our book discussion group, the last book we read was risque, and the next one we picked based off web reviews (Skinny Dip) was even more so. After finishing it and feeling guilty, I found out they changed books because it was so bad. Then I felt even more guilty for not saying so myself...
Below is a pic of me and Boom 6 years ago when I still had long hair, and the other is of me and Rugger with my short hair and glasses, which I wear most of the time, now. (That will change again once I go to the eye doctors and get a new prescription for contacts.) Just for sake of...I don't think I look all that bad in most of the photos I have posted on the web, even on my other website. It's the day to day look that I see in my mirror that I don't like...and same with Pumpkin. I like all the pics I post...they're the best ones. But there are some that catch her in bad lighting or what-not and I put those with the "bad" pictures in a box (the ones with eyes that blinked, etc.) Rugger doesn't have near as many "bad" pics, because he loves to smile and look cute. For a whole year Pumpkin didn't smile at all for cameras, but now she's even saying, "Chesse!" :0)
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