I realize that I also forgot to ever mention that my sister is ALSO due with twins for December. She goes in Friday for an ultrasound and hopefully will know the sex of each.
Here's a pic of the girl and the boy in their Grandma's arms.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Birth Story
Okay. I got the story up and you can read it here.
I realize that I also forgot to ever mention that my sister is ALSO due with twins for December. She goes in Friday for an ultrasound and hopefully will know the sex of each.
Here's a pic of the girl and the boy in their Grandma's arms.
I realize that I also forgot to ever mention that my sister is ALSO due with twins for December. She goes in Friday for an ultrasound and hopefully will know the sex of each.
Here's a pic of the girl and the boy in their Grandma's arms.
Friday, July 06, 2007
Suprise - Our Twin Homebirth
I'll have to post a link to an actual birth story later, but since I haven't written one, yet, I can't do that.
But yesterday, at 3:31 pm, Our Daughter entered the world in a waterbirth at 5 lbs. 3 oz. and 19 1/2 inches long. At 4:00 pm she was followed by her surprise twin brother, Our Son at 6 lbs. 3 oz. and 20 inches long.
We (meaning Boom and I) had suspected twins from the beginning, and had even asked the midwives not once, but several times if twins were possible. But I never measured big (even at 36 1/2 weeks I only measured 38 weeks which is normal, especially for a third time mom) and they never detected two hearbeats (in fact, at the last appointment, we had trouble even finding ONE, though the movement was always in excess.)
So when they discovered AFTER delivering our baby girl that there was ANOTHER baby yet inside me, we weren't completely shocked, though at the time we were shocked enough because of course they had ruled out twins (we didn't get an ultrasound this pregnancy for various reasons, though we had wanted to around 20 weeks.)
It quickly became an emergency as his cord was in a prolapse position, and so they decided very quickly that I had to push my baby out NOW.
Thankfully God had his hand in this pregnancy from the beginning, as you'll see once I write the full story. But for now, we are very blessed with TWO HEALTHY newborns, and very busy and a little unbelieving.
But yesterday, at 3:31 pm, Our Daughter entered the world in a waterbirth at 5 lbs. 3 oz. and 19 1/2 inches long. At 4:00 pm she was followed by her surprise twin brother, Our Son at 6 lbs. 3 oz. and 20 inches long.
We (meaning Boom and I) had suspected twins from the beginning, and had even asked the midwives not once, but several times if twins were possible. But I never measured big (even at 36 1/2 weeks I only measured 38 weeks which is normal, especially for a third time mom) and they never detected two hearbeats (in fact, at the last appointment, we had trouble even finding ONE, though the movement was always in excess.)
So when they discovered AFTER delivering our baby girl that there was ANOTHER baby yet inside me, we weren't completely shocked, though at the time we were shocked enough because of course they had ruled out twins (we didn't get an ultrasound this pregnancy for various reasons, though we had wanted to around 20 weeks.)
It quickly became an emergency as his cord was in a prolapse position, and so they decided very quickly that I had to push my baby out NOW.
Thankfully God had his hand in this pregnancy from the beginning, as you'll see once I write the full story. But for now, we are very blessed with TWO HEALTHY newborns, and very busy and a little unbelieving.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Aches & Pains of Life
Well, I guess it had to happen sometime, and relatively speaking this is so minor compared to what could happen, and may happen in the future (live in the moment, plan for the future as my doula says...)
My 4 1/2 year old daughter tripped over a toy while running and broke her little arm. I don't have time to post the whole story, but needless to say this is the first "real" injury any of my kids have had. Boom and I took it harder than she did. She hardly cried, hasn't taken much medicine for any pain, and has been herself this whole time.
The hardest part is the whole "six weeks in a cast" thing. Especially with her being so small and the cast being so LARGE on her little frame. But these things happen, and my mother's heart knows she's okay, but having seen her little arm bent a little too much, and then knowing that her bones have been compromised, it just makes me wish I could keep all of my family safe forever. The wish of every mother, I know.
I am sleeping next to her on an air mattress to help her turn over and such, the first night to help keep her arm elevated. But it turns out the mattress is helping me in another way.
During each pregnancy, I have HORRIBLE hip pain. Not sciatic, but joint pain. My hips, mostly at night after laying sideways, when standing my hips literally go out on me and I have to support my weight by crawling along the side of the bed or sink, etc. After several steps it will finally start to support me, going out every few steps or so. And then as I start my day it will usually be okay until I go to bed again.
Well, this mattress seems to be helping me, as it hasn't been as bad these past couple of nights. Of course, the chiropractor has also been helping me, though more so in my ribs than my hips.
I wouldn't have thought about a rib out of place until someone on the internet mentioned it. I had been having aweful pain in my rib area, both from and back, and the midwives and I concluded it must be muscle pain from my expanding uterus and weight. But even with a belly support (which I wasted money on now) nothing helped. It was depressing me, making me irritated, and I didn't know how I'd make it the rest of this pregnancy, to be honest.
And then I tried the chiropractor. We have a wonderful woman who works local, doesn't take insurance but charges cheap and won't make you pay if you don't have the money, and she is all for homebirthing and such. So I went to her hoping for SOMETHING, and I can't believe the change. It doesn't stay for long (due to ever changing body from pregnancy) but the one day this past week I was in immense pain again, and immediately afterwards I felt so much better and have been since. I fear the weeks when I won't be able to go to her since I'll be "home" in Ohio and then in Indiana for a reunion. Maybe by then the number of adjustments I'll have had will help keep it in shape for that length of time...
Anyway, otherwise this pregnancy is okay, but due to all the pain we know it will be our last, and I'm at peace with that. I just can't do this again. Most people don't choose chronic pain, and in my case I'm such a wimp for CHOOSING pain, that I'd rather enjoy my family as it than expand it and be miserable for months on end, which makes me less of the person I want to be.
But I am walking 2 miles almost every day, which gets harder and harder as I am pushing my kids in the stroller, and they feel heavier and heavier each time. But at least I'm doing it, and I'm hoping that this along with the adjustments will make for an easier labor. One can hope, can't they?
One last thing before I go. Rugger is finally talking. He's using all the words he already knew but never spoke, and has even spoken in 3 word sentences, which puts him right on schedule. It's neat to finally hear what he's been thinking about all this time :)
My 4 1/2 year old daughter tripped over a toy while running and broke her little arm. I don't have time to post the whole story, but needless to say this is the first "real" injury any of my kids have had. Boom and I took it harder than she did. She hardly cried, hasn't taken much medicine for any pain, and has been herself this whole time.
The hardest part is the whole "six weeks in a cast" thing. Especially with her being so small and the cast being so LARGE on her little frame. But these things happen, and my mother's heart knows she's okay, but having seen her little arm bent a little too much, and then knowing that her bones have been compromised, it just makes me wish I could keep all of my family safe forever. The wish of every mother, I know.
I am sleeping next to her on an air mattress to help her turn over and such, the first night to help keep her arm elevated. But it turns out the mattress is helping me in another way.
During each pregnancy, I have HORRIBLE hip pain. Not sciatic, but joint pain. My hips, mostly at night after laying sideways, when standing my hips literally go out on me and I have to support my weight by crawling along the side of the bed or sink, etc. After several steps it will finally start to support me, going out every few steps or so. And then as I start my day it will usually be okay until I go to bed again.
Well, this mattress seems to be helping me, as it hasn't been as bad these past couple of nights. Of course, the chiropractor has also been helping me, though more so in my ribs than my hips.
I wouldn't have thought about a rib out of place until someone on the internet mentioned it. I had been having aweful pain in my rib area, both from and back, and the midwives and I concluded it must be muscle pain from my expanding uterus and weight. But even with a belly support (which I wasted money on now) nothing helped. It was depressing me, making me irritated, and I didn't know how I'd make it the rest of this pregnancy, to be honest.
And then I tried the chiropractor. We have a wonderful woman who works local, doesn't take insurance but charges cheap and won't make you pay if you don't have the money, and she is all for homebirthing and such. So I went to her hoping for SOMETHING, and I can't believe the change. It doesn't stay for long (due to ever changing body from pregnancy) but the one day this past week I was in immense pain again, and immediately afterwards I felt so much better and have been since. I fear the weeks when I won't be able to go to her since I'll be "home" in Ohio and then in Indiana for a reunion. Maybe by then the number of adjustments I'll have had will help keep it in shape for that length of time...
Anyway, otherwise this pregnancy is okay, but due to all the pain we know it will be our last, and I'm at peace with that. I just can't do this again. Most people don't choose chronic pain, and in my case I'm such a wimp for CHOOSING pain, that I'd rather enjoy my family as it than expand it and be miserable for months on end, which makes me less of the person I want to be.
But I am walking 2 miles almost every day, which gets harder and harder as I am pushing my kids in the stroller, and they feel heavier and heavier each time. But at least I'm doing it, and I'm hoping that this along with the adjustments will make for an easier labor. One can hope, can't they?
One last thing before I go. Rugger is finally talking. He's using all the words he already knew but never spoke, and has even spoken in 3 word sentences, which puts him right on schedule. It's neat to finally hear what he's been thinking about all this time :)
Sunday, April 15, 2007
A Mother's Tears
As I sat here tonight rocking you to sleep, I couldn't help but cry. Since my belly has been expanding and my back, hips, and now ribs have been hurting, I have not had you fall asleep in my arms in quite a few weeks.
And I miss it.
I tried to remember you nursing, and though it's only been a couple of months (when exactly was it last??? - I think around mid February, though I'll never know for sure now...) I already have trouble remembering how it was.
You seem so much older now. You are growing so quickly. I know you will only grow more, and faster, and I so wish I could draw out this window of your still chubby cheeks, your wobbling gait as you run, and your 2 year old smile.
I know you won't fit on my lap forever, but I wish you could. I know I won't always be able to sniff your hair and enjoy the smell of little boy sweat and innocence. But I wish I could.
Oh, I look forward to seeing who you become. But I'll miss your small hands as they become rough and outgrow my own. I'll miss your frustration as you learn to put your coat on without getting confused by which way to turn it and zippers that don't go. I'll miss your sweet "Ni Ni Ma Ma" as you lay in your bed.
Which tonight Daddy decided to put by him as we transition you for the baby. And there is no crib on my side yet, and I didn't know he had done it until I carried you up already asleep, so you won't know until morning comes.
And I cried some more because I miss you. I miss being next to you.
When your sister climbs into bed in the morning after Daddy leaves, on the rare occasion that she is awake and does so, I can't help but to cherish those moments as well. And when Daddy had back pain and was sleeping on the couch, and I had you on one side and your sister on the other...I admit that I loved it. I enjoyed sleeping next to both of you.
If I could get a bed big enough, you would both be in bed beside Daddy and me. And I know that he'd enjoy it too, as he has fallen asleep with you in my place on the nights I stay up late. We both love being with you two.
And as I feel this new one kick inside me. I wonder who it is. I wonder if I will love it as much as I have loved you. I feel sometimes that our lives will crumble. That they are good now. You two play well together. You get along great. I like the way we are now.
And soon it will change. Soon I will be busy with another who demands all my time and attention. And I know it won't always be easy on either of you.
But I hope. I hope that I will fall just as much in love as I did with you. I hope that I will cherish holding this baby in my arms as well, and look forward to lazy mornings when you are all in bed with me, or even more rare in bed with both Daddy and me on a Saturday or Sunday when you all wake up before us.
I know that you must grow older. I know that life requires change. But sometimes I find it aches me so. I find that I cannot contain the love that I have for you and it spills over in tears as I hold on a little tighter than I need to. As I sit in the chair a little longer than I need to. As I kiss your cheeks and your hair one more time because someday I won't get to.
And I cry. Being a mother is hard. Not just when you challenge me as an infant and I feel burnt out. Not just when you dry me crazy asking 1,000 questions a day, most of them repeats. Not just when you demand so much and give so little.
But it's hard when you are so precious just being you. When I can't help but smile at your childish ways. When I see that time is moving and the moment is gone. That's when it's REALLY hard.
I hope someday that my love for you is realized. I hope I can nurture our relationship and that you always will feel close to your father and I. I hope that I'll never have to look at you and wish you were different because I don't understand you. I hope that you'll know that I love you so much that you will never truly understand until you love another just as much.
That as I rub your small arms and hold your small body, that I can't possibly love you any more. That it hurts because I know you aren't fully mine. God claimed you long before I did, and you are in His hands.
Which means I can't control how long I have the pleasure of knowing you, of holding you, of keeping you. I hope and pray for a long life for both of us, but only God knows what tomorrow holds. And it hurts. Because I want to keep you for myself. I want to hold on to you forever, and make sure that nothing can harm you.
But I can't.
So I cry. And I love. And I hold you while I can.
And eventually I put you down, and I kiss you again. And I whisper Good Night. And tomorrow you will play and laugh and run like you always do, never knowing how much my love for you fills me to the point of tears.
I love you Sweet Ones. Mommy loves you.
And I miss it.
I tried to remember you nursing, and though it's only been a couple of months (when exactly was it last??? - I think around mid February, though I'll never know for sure now...) I already have trouble remembering how it was.
You seem so much older now. You are growing so quickly. I know you will only grow more, and faster, and I so wish I could draw out this window of your still chubby cheeks, your wobbling gait as you run, and your 2 year old smile.
I know you won't fit on my lap forever, but I wish you could. I know I won't always be able to sniff your hair and enjoy the smell of little boy sweat and innocence. But I wish I could.
Oh, I look forward to seeing who you become. But I'll miss your small hands as they become rough and outgrow my own. I'll miss your frustration as you learn to put your coat on without getting confused by which way to turn it and zippers that don't go. I'll miss your sweet "Ni Ni Ma Ma" as you lay in your bed.
Which tonight Daddy decided to put by him as we transition you for the baby. And there is no crib on my side yet, and I didn't know he had done it until I carried you up already asleep, so you won't know until morning comes.
And I cried some more because I miss you. I miss being next to you.
When your sister climbs into bed in the morning after Daddy leaves, on the rare occasion that she is awake and does so, I can't help but to cherish those moments as well. And when Daddy had back pain and was sleeping on the couch, and I had you on one side and your sister on the other...I admit that I loved it. I enjoyed sleeping next to both of you.
If I could get a bed big enough, you would both be in bed beside Daddy and me. And I know that he'd enjoy it too, as he has fallen asleep with you in my place on the nights I stay up late. We both love being with you two.
And as I feel this new one kick inside me. I wonder who it is. I wonder if I will love it as much as I have loved you. I feel sometimes that our lives will crumble. That they are good now. You two play well together. You get along great. I like the way we are now.
And soon it will change. Soon I will be busy with another who demands all my time and attention. And I know it won't always be easy on either of you.
But I hope. I hope that I will fall just as much in love as I did with you. I hope that I will cherish holding this baby in my arms as well, and look forward to lazy mornings when you are all in bed with me, or even more rare in bed with both Daddy and me on a Saturday or Sunday when you all wake up before us.
I know that you must grow older. I know that life requires change. But sometimes I find it aches me so. I find that I cannot contain the love that I have for you and it spills over in tears as I hold on a little tighter than I need to. As I sit in the chair a little longer than I need to. As I kiss your cheeks and your hair one more time because someday I won't get to.
And I cry. Being a mother is hard. Not just when you challenge me as an infant and I feel burnt out. Not just when you dry me crazy asking 1,000 questions a day, most of them repeats. Not just when you demand so much and give so little.
But it's hard when you are so precious just being you. When I can't help but smile at your childish ways. When I see that time is moving and the moment is gone. That's when it's REALLY hard.
I hope someday that my love for you is realized. I hope I can nurture our relationship and that you always will feel close to your father and I. I hope that I'll never have to look at you and wish you were different because I don't understand you. I hope that you'll know that I love you so much that you will never truly understand until you love another just as much.
That as I rub your small arms and hold your small body, that I can't possibly love you any more. That it hurts because I know you aren't fully mine. God claimed you long before I did, and you are in His hands.
Which means I can't control how long I have the pleasure of knowing you, of holding you, of keeping you. I hope and pray for a long life for both of us, but only God knows what tomorrow holds. And it hurts. Because I want to keep you for myself. I want to hold on to you forever, and make sure that nothing can harm you.
But I can't.
So I cry. And I love. And I hold you while I can.
And eventually I put you down, and I kiss you again. And I whisper Good Night. And tomorrow you will play and laugh and run like you always do, never knowing how much my love for you fills me to the point of tears.
I love you Sweet Ones. Mommy loves you.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Food, Glorious Food!
Well, now that I'm feeling better (13 weeks and I felt GREAT! I cleaned the house, vacuumed for the first time in two months, didn't sit around all day, YEAH!!!) I'm starting to cook. For real.
Not those meal-in-a-box things, but real, made from scratch dinners.
The catch is that I have to find something where I at least have most of the ingredients on hand. Which isn't easy. Many recipes have tons of ingredients that I don't have, can't afford, or have never heard of.
But I have found a few. And some of the things I've tried are simply the first time I've tried something I've heard of before but just never tried on my own.
Last week I made lemon pepper talapia (I spent the money on the fish before our finance situation came to light, though I should have known when I kept hoarding money from the savings...), some green-bean creamed soup, and blueberry crisp (the blueberries were form Walmart and had been in the freezer for months.)
So I ate a lot of it. So much so that for some reason my pregnant body didn't enjoy it the next day, and after forcing myself to eat yogurt with home-made granola (recipe from Tightwadd Gazette) I ended up throwing up for the first time in 3 pregnancies for the simple reason of being pregnant. The rest of the day I felt fine or else like I had pre-13 weeks. (I'm now 14 1/2 weeks.)
But that didn't deter me. Last night I made stuffed pork chops. With cornbread stuffing (bought from Aldi months ago knowing I'd using for SOMETHING) and bacon (from in-laws pigs, along with pork chops), onions, and on the chops marjoram (first time using it...on the spice rack from our wedding 8 years ago), seasoned salt, and pepper.
A little too dry due to not knowing how much over our oven would cook it, and I had already subtracted 5 minutes from the 45 minutes, so next time I'll subtract 10 or 15, but they were DELICIOUS!!!
I made cookies last week for the first time in months as well. Tomorrow I'm thinking Banana bread, which I've never made, ironically, since I love the stuff and have made tons of Zucchini bread which is so similar in a way.
But now with all this cooking I have to find a way to get creative with pork. Not ham, since for some reason we never get ham from the butcher when we get the pork from my in-laws. Probably because it's too expensive, but I'm not sure. I love ham.
Anyway, we have chops, and ham slices (it's not like ham, though, hard to explain), big chunks that I'm not sure what to do with (I'd have to go down and see the label on the paper to know what they are), bacon, sausage, and probably more.
In the summer, I made shish-kabobs, which I LOVED! But now I'm trying to figure out what to make indoors without much hassle and extra ingredients. But this way, we save money by using what we HAVE vs. buying what we don't really NEED. If we can use up all the pork in the freezer, then we are doing good. I already had to throw some out last year from having been in there WAY too long (years, people.) So we really SHOULD use it...it was free, for goodness sake, as a gift, really. It's just I didn't know what to do with all the pork.
And now I have one more option - stuffed pork chops. And it didn't take long to prepare, really. Even less time had I thawed the pork chops ahead of time. I'd have time to make a side dish, maybe out of the many, many bags of frozen veggies in our freezer, gotten from Angel Food or from me trying to buy healthy once. I don't like veggies very much, so I'm not motivated to cook them. Much like the unknown pork products. Ham I could make into casseroles and use potatoes and such. Pork...what do I do with that?
Same with veggies. Cheese, butter, throw them in a casserole. Otherwise I'm lost. So I'll have to look up veggie ideas in my books, too. Though now that I'm thinking about it, we haven't had pot pie in a very long while. I'll see which pork product I think will go best with that and put it on the menu for next week. After all, I DO know how to make white sauce...
Not those meal-in-a-box things, but real, made from scratch dinners.
The catch is that I have to find something where I at least have most of the ingredients on hand. Which isn't easy. Many recipes have tons of ingredients that I don't have, can't afford, or have never heard of.
But I have found a few. And some of the things I've tried are simply the first time I've tried something I've heard of before but just never tried on my own.
Last week I made lemon pepper talapia (I spent the money on the fish before our finance situation came to light, though I should have known when I kept hoarding money from the savings...), some green-bean creamed soup, and blueberry crisp (the blueberries were form Walmart and had been in the freezer for months.)
So I ate a lot of it. So much so that for some reason my pregnant body didn't enjoy it the next day, and after forcing myself to eat yogurt with home-made granola (recipe from Tightwadd Gazette) I ended up throwing up for the first time in 3 pregnancies for the simple reason of being pregnant. The rest of the day I felt fine or else like I had pre-13 weeks. (I'm now 14 1/2 weeks.)
But that didn't deter me. Last night I made stuffed pork chops. With cornbread stuffing (bought from Aldi months ago knowing I'd using for SOMETHING) and bacon (from in-laws pigs, along with pork chops), onions, and on the chops marjoram (first time using it...on the spice rack from our wedding 8 years ago), seasoned salt, and pepper.
A little too dry due to not knowing how much over our oven would cook it, and I had already subtracted 5 minutes from the 45 minutes, so next time I'll subtract 10 or 15, but they were DELICIOUS!!!
I made cookies last week for the first time in months as well. Tomorrow I'm thinking Banana bread, which I've never made, ironically, since I love the stuff and have made tons of Zucchini bread which is so similar in a way.
But now with all this cooking I have to find a way to get creative with pork. Not ham, since for some reason we never get ham from the butcher when we get the pork from my in-laws. Probably because it's too expensive, but I'm not sure. I love ham.
Anyway, we have chops, and ham slices (it's not like ham, though, hard to explain), big chunks that I'm not sure what to do with (I'd have to go down and see the label on the paper to know what they are), bacon, sausage, and probably more.
In the summer, I made shish-kabobs, which I LOVED! But now I'm trying to figure out what to make indoors without much hassle and extra ingredients. But this way, we save money by using what we HAVE vs. buying what we don't really NEED. If we can use up all the pork in the freezer, then we are doing good. I already had to throw some out last year from having been in there WAY too long (years, people.) So we really SHOULD use it...it was free, for goodness sake, as a gift, really. It's just I didn't know what to do with all the pork.
And now I have one more option - stuffed pork chops. And it didn't take long to prepare, really. Even less time had I thawed the pork chops ahead of time. I'd have time to make a side dish, maybe out of the many, many bags of frozen veggies in our freezer, gotten from Angel Food or from me trying to buy healthy once. I don't like veggies very much, so I'm not motivated to cook them. Much like the unknown pork products. Ham I could make into casseroles and use potatoes and such. Pork...what do I do with that?
Same with veggies. Cheese, butter, throw them in a casserole. Otherwise I'm lost. So I'll have to look up veggie ideas in my books, too. Though now that I'm thinking about it, we haven't had pot pie in a very long while. I'll see which pork product I think will go best with that and put it on the menu for next week. After all, I DO know how to make white sauce...
Monday, January 15, 2007
Living the Tightwad Lifestyle
Well, we've been here before, but it still hurts a bit.
Today I called the cable company and canceled our cable. It's the only bill we can cancel. Funny how one need electricity and gas and all, but TV isn't a necessity. So it's gone. Which is probably good, and we can get it back later when we can afford it, but it still hurts.
And I still don't know how we're going to make all the rest of the payments this month. I've already dried out the savings account, and if I take any more out they start charging us, so that won't work (let alone if any emergency happens at this point, we're in dire trouble.)
And of course we have to start shopping smarter. I've been shopping every week or two instead of monthly, and I tend to buy items a second time (chicken, beef, chocolate) that we don't NEED. We shop almost exclusively at Aldi's for food, and yet it's the Walmart bill that's out of hand. Each receipt looks innocent enough except the total, so we just have to start adding stuff up before we get to the checkout.
Basically, we have only 230 dollars to spend on groceries and paper/hygene products each month, and that's not counting things like birthday gifts for relatives and other little things that come up.
I know we can do it, as our kids don't eat a lot, yet. But being pregnant I'd LOVE more variety. (On food stamps we couldn't even spend the $400 a month they gave us...had too much food and didn't know what else to get. Looking back, I'd have gotten specialty breads and cheeses and stuff...things I've never even tried yet for lack of funds.)
Anyway, considering families spend $200 a WEEK on groceries, $230 a MONTH seems very little. But it's all that's left after paying the bills....bills that have to be payed are aren't even optional or entertainment related.
We don't eat out (the most expensive place we've eaten is Applesbees, but only with a gift card.) We don't watch movies (no dollar theater around here) but once a year.
We don't even vacation, though not for lack of want.
But the one income, and that being a teacher's, is definately pulling us down right now. My two days at afterschool bring in hardly anything, and Boom wouldn't even have time for a second job with football and schoolwork, besides that I want him here with us.
So we have to cut back. A lot. For now. I have to tell the midwife that we can't make any payments until after our tax return comes in. I have to ask the doctor if I can wait another month to pay the bill.
And yet, I have a hard time complaining. I don't have a hard time crying, because I wish that we weren't here right now. I wish our income was enough to live comfortably. I mean, it's not like I'm asking to go to Jamaica, but I had wanted to buy Honeycomb for the first time in 5 years....
But complaining, I'm not. Because we have our house. A large house, for us. We have two beautiful children. We have a job, a good one. A Boom is good at his job. We have friends. We have a community. I'm the happiest I've been in years, and I really CAN'T complain. I just wish it was different. I wish the numbers came to a different total.
But they don't. And so I'll keep looking at those pottery magazines and thinking of "someday" when I'll be able to get them (why can't our libraries carry them??) I'll remember that others would give anything to even have half of what I have. And someday, we'll hopefully move again, maybe back to more open land with free gas and sewage ($50 a month now that it's finally come), and eventually each year Boom gets a small raise that will help.
So we'll get back on our feet. We will. This year was financially heavy. We redid the attic to make it a room. We got a van because of the dog (and now with a third on the way we need it, anyway.) We got a dog, full breed. We got another truck (20 years old, that is.) And we need yet new windows for upstairs, a new door for the one that doesn't work, new gutters on the whole house (which would help all the water that's pouring into the basement.) Our shed is a joke. And so we aren't even close to being done with spending large amounts of money that we don't have.
But for now we're stable. For now we are warm (Boom is cutting down trees to feed the wood-burning stove downstairs we got from his parents. It heat well but requires much food.) And we are happy.
But I will look forward to the day when the checkbook actually balances withouth having to wait for the next paycheck to clear. And may that day be soon.
Today I called the cable company and canceled our cable. It's the only bill we can cancel. Funny how one need electricity and gas and all, but TV isn't a necessity. So it's gone. Which is probably good, and we can get it back later when we can afford it, but it still hurts.
And I still don't know how we're going to make all the rest of the payments this month. I've already dried out the savings account, and if I take any more out they start charging us, so that won't work (let alone if any emergency happens at this point, we're in dire trouble.)
And of course we have to start shopping smarter. I've been shopping every week or two instead of monthly, and I tend to buy items a second time (chicken, beef, chocolate) that we don't NEED. We shop almost exclusively at Aldi's for food, and yet it's the Walmart bill that's out of hand. Each receipt looks innocent enough except the total, so we just have to start adding stuff up before we get to the checkout.
Basically, we have only 230 dollars to spend on groceries and paper/hygene products each month, and that's not counting things like birthday gifts for relatives and other little things that come up.
I know we can do it, as our kids don't eat a lot, yet. But being pregnant I'd LOVE more variety. (On food stamps we couldn't even spend the $400 a month they gave us...had too much food and didn't know what else to get. Looking back, I'd have gotten specialty breads and cheeses and stuff...things I've never even tried yet for lack of funds.)
Anyway, considering families spend $200 a WEEK on groceries, $230 a MONTH seems very little. But it's all that's left after paying the bills....bills that have to be payed are aren't even optional or entertainment related.
We don't eat out (the most expensive place we've eaten is Applesbees, but only with a gift card.) We don't watch movies (no dollar theater around here) but once a year.
We don't even vacation, though not for lack of want.
But the one income, and that being a teacher's, is definately pulling us down right now. My two days at afterschool bring in hardly anything, and Boom wouldn't even have time for a second job with football and schoolwork, besides that I want him here with us.
So we have to cut back. A lot. For now. I have to tell the midwife that we can't make any payments until after our tax return comes in. I have to ask the doctor if I can wait another month to pay the bill.
And yet, I have a hard time complaining. I don't have a hard time crying, because I wish that we weren't here right now. I wish our income was enough to live comfortably. I mean, it's not like I'm asking to go to Jamaica, but I had wanted to buy Honeycomb for the first time in 5 years....
But complaining, I'm not. Because we have our house. A large house, for us. We have two beautiful children. We have a job, a good one. A Boom is good at his job. We have friends. We have a community. I'm the happiest I've been in years, and I really CAN'T complain. I just wish it was different. I wish the numbers came to a different total.
But they don't. And so I'll keep looking at those pottery magazines and thinking of "someday" when I'll be able to get them (why can't our libraries carry them??) I'll remember that others would give anything to even have half of what I have. And someday, we'll hopefully move again, maybe back to more open land with free gas and sewage ($50 a month now that it's finally come), and eventually each year Boom gets a small raise that will help.
So we'll get back on our feet. We will. This year was financially heavy. We redid the attic to make it a room. We got a van because of the dog (and now with a third on the way we need it, anyway.) We got a dog, full breed. We got another truck (20 years old, that is.) And we need yet new windows for upstairs, a new door for the one that doesn't work, new gutters on the whole house (which would help all the water that's pouring into the basement.) Our shed is a joke. And so we aren't even close to being done with spending large amounts of money that we don't have.
But for now we're stable. For now we are warm (Boom is cutting down trees to feed the wood-burning stove downstairs we got from his parents. It heat well but requires much food.) And we are happy.
But I will look forward to the day when the checkbook actually balances withouth having to wait for the next paycheck to clear. And may that day be soon.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
All Fired Up for the New Year
Well, if it wasn't for the fact that I talk too much and thus write too much, and that I'm extremely tired and lazy lately, then I already would have updated this thing. Oh, well. Here's a summary:
I fired my kiln up for the first time! Yippee!!! I was so excited that night, and everything turned out great. I made a whistle for my nephew and my ocarina is the best attempt so far. Now I have to think of what to make next...
Christmas was great except for a few glitches in my in-law part of the family. I won't go into it, but I sometimes wished my kids were as blessed as I was growing up in an almost "perfect" family. But then again, maybe they'll learn compassion for those not like them, and learn how to connect to them since they'll have seen it first hand, where as I have not.
I hope I won't have to renig this in a week from now, but I am also pregnant. We weren't planning on getting pregnant this soon. We were going to TRY in about six months. But alas, I'm 12 weeks right now and the midwife will be coming next Tuesday to hear the heartbeat. I found out the same week my sister found out she lost her baby, so I'm very cautious this time, and disappointed that once again some of the joy is robbed if this pregnancy DOES go well. I hate being the source of someone else's pain, and I'd like for once to enjoy my pregnancy without hiding my joy...
So for 6 weeks now I've been sick. Nauseaus all day long and all night long. I hate morning sickness. It usually lets up around 14 weeks, which means 2 more weeks to go. I love the middle stage of pregnancy, before my hips start dislocating and causing me imense pain....plus I can finally eat with joy again. Oh to have gone through the holidays and not enjoy all the wonderful meals! I hate this!!!!
So, here we are, me laying on the couch most of the day trying to will my stomach to get better, and Boom put in his parents old wood burning stove downstairs which is working like a beaut and heating the whole house even though the vents haven't even been connected to it yet. And the basement is now the warmest place in the house. We need to get a shield for it to keep the heat in the usit more, but they can't find them for now.
Other than that, not much else to report. Too many toys at Christmas as usual (why, Grandparents, WHY!?!?) and unfortunately it was also evident that now that the children are getting older, Pumpkin in particular, apparently at least one side of the family doesn't know my children very well at all. My MIL in particular projects things into my daughter that she always wanted in a daughter of her own. She used to talk about her red hair and blue eyes (even though Pumpkin has neither) and now she gives her all these girlie toys that she has absolutely no interest in. Poor thing kind of sat there as her brother got electronic gadgets like a Thomas the Tank Engine set, a keyboard, a remote control truck and another motorized truck. So I bought her a dart gun, which she loves.
Sometimes I wish Christmas could be so simple as just getting together as family. But then again, seeing as we don't do much as a family over there, I guess it's better we fill the time with unwrapping presents. I just hope next year they are more tuned in. Not that I'm not grateful, in fact, I think one present a kid would have been fine. But at least get them something they'll like. And same goes with the adults. I don't know how much debt she goes into every year (creditors actually call OUR house to get ahold of her) but I do know she could save money by not buying presents that often are not used. She loves giving gifts, and that's wonderful, but sometimes that needs to be balanced with budget and the recipients actual needs in mind.
Which is one reason I'm glad for the kiln this year. I hope to make many gifts from the heart that cost only the firing and the materials that I buy for the clay. I'll enjoy that very much.
One last story. My son is such a goofball, always singing and dancing to music and laughing and running around and being a clown. I can't wait until he talks... But my daughter, she has some very unique traits, and one is that she has an imaginary girlfriend. For about a year at least now she's had a girlfriend, named the same as herself, of course. This girlfriend lives on a farm (or several based on the "my girlfriend lives there" comments as we drive) and she can fly, swim, jump really high, and do many things Pumpkin just can't do yet.
Well, we had my brother-in-law and his girlfriend and their family over for New Year's Eve, and Pumpkin was chasing around the boy who is her age. She was just bawling when she came into the kitchen and I asked her what was wrong. "Hayden won't hug my girlfriend" she cries. Stifling a laugh, I tell her that maybe he can't SEE her girlfriend. "Where is she?" I ask. "Well," she says, "She WAS behind the Christmas tree..." I laugh then and say, "Well, can Hayden give YOU a hug?"
"No, my girlfriend wants a hug."
"Well then where is she?"
Pumpkin steps behind the table and says, "Can you see her? She's right there?" and points to herself. So I sit beside Hayden and whisper to him to go hug Pumpkin, and he does, and she is happy once again. And then me and Hayden's mom just kept laughing.
So there you go. My daughter is, well, imaginative :)
I fired my kiln up for the first time! Yippee!!! I was so excited that night, and everything turned out great. I made a whistle for my nephew and my ocarina is the best attempt so far. Now I have to think of what to make next...
Christmas was great except for a few glitches in my in-law part of the family. I won't go into it, but I sometimes wished my kids were as blessed as I was growing up in an almost "perfect" family. But then again, maybe they'll learn compassion for those not like them, and learn how to connect to them since they'll have seen it first hand, where as I have not.
I hope I won't have to renig this in a week from now, but I am also pregnant. We weren't planning on getting pregnant this soon. We were going to TRY in about six months. But alas, I'm 12 weeks right now and the midwife will be coming next Tuesday to hear the heartbeat. I found out the same week my sister found out she lost her baby, so I'm very cautious this time, and disappointed that once again some of the joy is robbed if this pregnancy DOES go well. I hate being the source of someone else's pain, and I'd like for once to enjoy my pregnancy without hiding my joy...
So for 6 weeks now I've been sick. Nauseaus all day long and all night long. I hate morning sickness. It usually lets up around 14 weeks, which means 2 more weeks to go. I love the middle stage of pregnancy, before my hips start dislocating and causing me imense pain....plus I can finally eat with joy again. Oh to have gone through the holidays and not enjoy all the wonderful meals! I hate this!!!!
So, here we are, me laying on the couch most of the day trying to will my stomach to get better, and Boom put in his parents old wood burning stove downstairs which is working like a beaut and heating the whole house even though the vents haven't even been connected to it yet. And the basement is now the warmest place in the house. We need to get a shield for it to keep the heat in the usit more, but they can't find them for now.
Other than that, not much else to report. Too many toys at Christmas as usual (why, Grandparents, WHY!?!?) and unfortunately it was also evident that now that the children are getting older, Pumpkin in particular, apparently at least one side of the family doesn't know my children very well at all. My MIL in particular projects things into my daughter that she always wanted in a daughter of her own. She used to talk about her red hair and blue eyes (even though Pumpkin has neither) and now she gives her all these girlie toys that she has absolutely no interest in. Poor thing kind of sat there as her brother got electronic gadgets like a Thomas the Tank Engine set, a keyboard, a remote control truck and another motorized truck. So I bought her a dart gun, which she loves.
Sometimes I wish Christmas could be so simple as just getting together as family. But then again, seeing as we don't do much as a family over there, I guess it's better we fill the time with unwrapping presents. I just hope next year they are more tuned in. Not that I'm not grateful, in fact, I think one present a kid would have been fine. But at least get them something they'll like. And same goes with the adults. I don't know how much debt she goes into every year (creditors actually call OUR house to get ahold of her) but I do know she could save money by not buying presents that often are not used. She loves giving gifts, and that's wonderful, but sometimes that needs to be balanced with budget and the recipients actual needs in mind.
Which is one reason I'm glad for the kiln this year. I hope to make many gifts from the heart that cost only the firing and the materials that I buy for the clay. I'll enjoy that very much.
One last story. My son is such a goofball, always singing and dancing to music and laughing and running around and being a clown. I can't wait until he talks... But my daughter, she has some very unique traits, and one is that she has an imaginary girlfriend. For about a year at least now she's had a girlfriend, named the same as herself, of course. This girlfriend lives on a farm (or several based on the "my girlfriend lives there" comments as we drive) and she can fly, swim, jump really high, and do many things Pumpkin just can't do yet.
Well, we had my brother-in-law and his girlfriend and their family over for New Year's Eve, and Pumpkin was chasing around the boy who is her age. She was just bawling when she came into the kitchen and I asked her what was wrong. "Hayden won't hug my girlfriend" she cries. Stifling a laugh, I tell her that maybe he can't SEE her girlfriend. "Where is she?" I ask. "Well," she says, "She WAS behind the Christmas tree..." I laugh then and say, "Well, can Hayden give YOU a hug?"
"No, my girlfriend wants a hug."
"Well then where is she?"
Pumpkin steps behind the table and says, "Can you see her? She's right there?" and points to herself. So I sit beside Hayden and whisper to him to go hug Pumpkin, and he does, and she is happy once again. And then me and Hayden's mom just kept laughing.
So there you go. My daughter is, well, imaginative :)
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
More Heartbreak and Heartache
Well, my sister found out yesterday that their baby will not be born on this earth. Apparently it stopped developing around 9 weeks. She was 13 weeks on Saturday, and none of us expected this after seeing a heartbeat at 7 weeks.
Prayers for her and her family are appreciated.
Prayers for her and her family are appreciated.
Saturday, October 28, 2006
A Month to Feel Stupid
Maybe I will reveal one of the most major gliches in my personality by writing this, but if you know me at all you already know my biggest fault, and I hope you still like me despite of it...
I'm an information junky, and knowledge freak, and I like to know it all. And if I'm wrong, I want to be SURE I'm wrong. So with that in mind, here is my devasting Friday story, and maybe more.
Two weeks ago I had a bad cold. Chills, body aches, nausea, and a bad headache. And a sore throat. By day 4 I thought, "Gee, if this aweful sore throat would just go away, I'd feel better..." Then it dawned on me that maybe I have strep throat, and so I looked in the mirror with a flashlight, and sure enough there were white patches on my tonsils. (I thought strep was the only thing that showed up like that.) Later I would read that my symptoms matched strep perfectly (headache, nausea, bodyaches and chills....)
I had been contemplating bringing Rugger in to the doctor anyway since he had discharge coming out of his eyes, and I was worried that he had a sinus infection. So now my decision was made; we'd go in.
The doctor looked at my throat and Rugger's ears, and wrote us both up for Amoxicillin (no throat swab.) We took them, and added Pumpkin later since she got pink eye and was stuck up in the sinuses, and we all dutifully finished them.
Fast forward to Sunday when I was done with the antibiotics. Two days later I woke up with a headache and a slight sore throat. "Not again..." I thought. I looked in the mirror, and on my tonsils were the same patches, but only red. We had a NORMAL doctor's appointment the next day, on Wednesday, and I'd ask the doctor about it then. Maybe the spots stay there long after you have strep?
So I ask him in the course of things, and he says, "Yeah, your throat looks real bad, but I think you're fine. You finished the antibiotics, don't worry about it."
So I didn't. Until Thursday night when my throat REALLY hurt and the patches were now WHITE again. And to top it off, Rugger threw up once in the middle of the night. (He had thrown up on Sunday evening, we thought it was a bug.)
Well, here's where my stupidity comes in, apparently. I knew from researching the strep the first time around, that in kids that are preschool age, the symptoms are quite different from adults. Often times they don't get the sore throat. Vomiting is a sign in little ones. And they might have what's called a Strawberry Tongue. From pictures, I thought Pumpkin had this the first time around, and now both kids looked like they had a faded version again. (Not bright red, but definately different than what their tongue looked like two days ago. Trust me. No one else will....)
So I call the office and request the earliest appointment since today (Saturday) we'll have a birthday party, and if we are on antibiotics, I want to make sure we put as much time in before people come to the house. So I get a 9:45 appointment, which I'm late for due to a last minute diaper change and my ability to always be late everywhere. At least I called and said we were running late.
So we get there, he examines us (the same doctor as on Wednesday, but different from the one that diagnosed the strep the first time.) I ask all my strep-related questions during the exam so I don't take up his time later. He says he's pretty sure it's just viral, but we'll wait for the swabs to come back (which I requested since I didn't want to be treating something that wasn't there, and he stated the same thing. I purposely liked this doctor because he won't prescribe antibiotics when not needed, though he confused me by saying is only ONE of us is positive, he'll treat the whole family, and he suggested Pumpkin get her vaccines NOW vs. any other time in the 4-6 year period....but anyway.)
So he says if it's positive, he'll be back to talk to us. If not, have a good day. (why we can't talk to him if it's negative, I don't understand....) So we wait, and sure enough it comes back NEGATIVE for all three of us.
I will be truthful. I was floored. I had added up all the symptoms, people at chruch who we run close circles with were also diagnosed with strep after I was, they all agreed this stuff cycles sometimes. The internet was full of recurring strep stories. I just hadn't expected to be relieved of the burden of antibiotics, which I was so dreading.
So I asked the nurse what we do, and if a throat culture would show anything different. (also keeping in mind that I've read that 5-10% of those tests are false negative.) He exact words were, "Well, he said that since the antibiotics are still in your system, it's going to be negative. Basically you're not contagious. You can go home."
To me, this sounded like "Even if you DO have the strep bacteria, the antibiotics will mask the results, but you can't pass it around, so don't worry." Which means to me that if we still have it, there would still need to be SOMETHING done to get rid of it. So I asked her if I could talk to the doctor again when he's done with his other patient.
So he comes in and says, "What do you want to hear?" I start to say something when he cuts me off and curtly says, "It's a virus. You don't have anything. Go home." I start to say, "But I just...." He cuts in with, "If you want another opinion, go to a different doctor." I say, "No, I DON'T want another opinion, I trust you, I just want to know..." "Listen, I'm getting frustrated, we're running out of time." "Well if you give me a chance I'll ask my question. The way the nurse stated it, made it sound like the anitbiotics are potentially masking..." "No. We would have seen it." "And the symptoms?" "They're nothing. I didn't want to be rude before, but they don't even have strawberry tongues, it's nothing." "And the white patches?" "Tons of stuff. Any virus." He opens the door. I ask "So what do you think it could be?" "Anything."
And he's gone. And I'm about two inches tall and hiding in the corner. I want to cry. I don't want to walk out of there with my happy kids who have no clue how humiliated I feel. I apologive to the receptionist so that when I show my face there again at least she knows I wasn't TRYING to be THAT KIND of patient.
I don't know what set him off. Maybe when I walked in and said, "I was right!" in a joking voice, because I HAD gotten sicker. Maybe it was me talking about strep the whole time instead of waiting for the positive result. I don't know.
But I think that even if I ticked him off (unintentionaly. I had NO clue where he came from being so angry) that he still reacted unprofessionaly. I mean, who's paying who, here? Why is it that I can't ask questions about a virus, that though I know it can't be treated doesn't mean I don't have questions.
Why is it that I can't make sure, ABSOLUTELY sure, that we don't have strep? Part of me was angry that there was never a first swab before I took the round of antibiotics, and I'll never now know if I had had it at all.
But mostly, I was embarassed, shocked, angry. So I was wrong. Don't I still have a right to make SURE I'm wrong? Aren't I still a person who lost sleep with worry, with a sore throat, with a child who threw up once out of nowhere? Don't I deserved at least a caring tone explaining WHY I am wrong vs. a "It's nothing I can help, go home" attitude?
When did doctors stop caring and stop trying to HELP? Why did he think I was attacking HIM? If I wanted meds, I'd have asked for them despite the outcome. I don't do that. I was caught off guard, so I wanted to make sure what I was hearing, that's all.
In fact, I was wrong earlier this week. I took Boomer to the vet for what I was sure was an ear infection (due to his stratching of the ears and shaking his head) and it was nothing. But the vet prescribed antibiotics anyway, and I paid for the unnecessary visit and unneeded meds. I took them home, put them on the counter, and thought, "For next time."
I don't want meds. I want answers. If you don't have answers, I understand. But at least be decent enough to explain it to me.
I'm afraid to talk to my friends, the ones I called frantically Friday morning to warn them we had strep again. I'm wondering what they'll think when they hear I'm an idiot who had no idea what I was talking about.
I hope they understand. I hope we're close enough of friends that they won't think less of me. I feel like I can't even tell eveyone for the shame that crawls to my face when I replay the scene in my mind. I felt SO BELITTLED.
And so, I hope that is all for this month. I don't like feeling stupid. I'm anal. I know that. I serve my kids cereal in certain colored bowls, with certain spoons. And if I have dirtied one and it's not available, it bothers me. I go on, but that's who I am. I like straight lines and facts. I like geometry and proofs. And when I'm wrong, I like to be sure.
And in nothing else, my faith in the medical community that was barely there before has now been completely shattered. I dream of the day when we as people can be informed about our bodies and the doctors respect us for it, and they admit their own limitations and treat us like friends or family. When the same scenario ended with this instead of the way it did:
"You know, you're right that a lot of these symptoms appear with strep. I wish they had taken a swab the first time because maybe you didn't have it then, either, we'll never know. But see how their tongues are? It would be darker and more swollen if it were Strawberry Tongue. And the patches on your throat are more common than people realize. It's called "tonsilitus" and it happens whenever they are inflamed and the sores show up. The rapid test is pretty accurate, but if you want, we'll get a culture, and that will also confirm that you have nothing else bacterial in nature. Otherwise, I think you probably have a couple different viruses going around, and if you think you have strep again, feel free to come in, but for now I'd say just drink plenty of fluids and rest. Hope your birthday party goes well!"
I'm an information junky, and knowledge freak, and I like to know it all. And if I'm wrong, I want to be SURE I'm wrong. So with that in mind, here is my devasting Friday story, and maybe more.
Two weeks ago I had a bad cold. Chills, body aches, nausea, and a bad headache. And a sore throat. By day 4 I thought, "Gee, if this aweful sore throat would just go away, I'd feel better..." Then it dawned on me that maybe I have strep throat, and so I looked in the mirror with a flashlight, and sure enough there were white patches on my tonsils. (I thought strep was the only thing that showed up like that.) Later I would read that my symptoms matched strep perfectly (headache, nausea, bodyaches and chills....)
I had been contemplating bringing Rugger in to the doctor anyway since he had discharge coming out of his eyes, and I was worried that he had a sinus infection. So now my decision was made; we'd go in.
The doctor looked at my throat and Rugger's ears, and wrote us both up for Amoxicillin (no throat swab.) We took them, and added Pumpkin later since she got pink eye and was stuck up in the sinuses, and we all dutifully finished them.
Fast forward to Sunday when I was done with the antibiotics. Two days later I woke up with a headache and a slight sore throat. "Not again..." I thought. I looked in the mirror, and on my tonsils were the same patches, but only red. We had a NORMAL doctor's appointment the next day, on Wednesday, and I'd ask the doctor about it then. Maybe the spots stay there long after you have strep?
So I ask him in the course of things, and he says, "Yeah, your throat looks real bad, but I think you're fine. You finished the antibiotics, don't worry about it."
So I didn't. Until Thursday night when my throat REALLY hurt and the patches were now WHITE again. And to top it off, Rugger threw up once in the middle of the night. (He had thrown up on Sunday evening, we thought it was a bug.)
Well, here's where my stupidity comes in, apparently. I knew from researching the strep the first time around, that in kids that are preschool age, the symptoms are quite different from adults. Often times they don't get the sore throat. Vomiting is a sign in little ones. And they might have what's called a Strawberry Tongue. From pictures, I thought Pumpkin had this the first time around, and now both kids looked like they had a faded version again. (Not bright red, but definately different than what their tongue looked like two days ago. Trust me. No one else will....)
So I call the office and request the earliest appointment since today (Saturday) we'll have a birthday party, and if we are on antibiotics, I want to make sure we put as much time in before people come to the house. So I get a 9:45 appointment, which I'm late for due to a last minute diaper change and my ability to always be late everywhere. At least I called and said we were running late.
So we get there, he examines us (the same doctor as on Wednesday, but different from the one that diagnosed the strep the first time.) I ask all my strep-related questions during the exam so I don't take up his time later. He says he's pretty sure it's just viral, but we'll wait for the swabs to come back (which I requested since I didn't want to be treating something that wasn't there, and he stated the same thing. I purposely liked this doctor because he won't prescribe antibiotics when not needed, though he confused me by saying is only ONE of us is positive, he'll treat the whole family, and he suggested Pumpkin get her vaccines NOW vs. any other time in the 4-6 year period....but anyway.)
So he says if it's positive, he'll be back to talk to us. If not, have a good day. (why we can't talk to him if it's negative, I don't understand....) So we wait, and sure enough it comes back NEGATIVE for all three of us.
I will be truthful. I was floored. I had added up all the symptoms, people at chruch who we run close circles with were also diagnosed with strep after I was, they all agreed this stuff cycles sometimes. The internet was full of recurring strep stories. I just hadn't expected to be relieved of the burden of antibiotics, which I was so dreading.
So I asked the nurse what we do, and if a throat culture would show anything different. (also keeping in mind that I've read that 5-10% of those tests are false negative.) He exact words were, "Well, he said that since the antibiotics are still in your system, it's going to be negative. Basically you're not contagious. You can go home."
To me, this sounded like "Even if you DO have the strep bacteria, the antibiotics will mask the results, but you can't pass it around, so don't worry." Which means to me that if we still have it, there would still need to be SOMETHING done to get rid of it. So I asked her if I could talk to the doctor again when he's done with his other patient.
So he comes in and says, "What do you want to hear?" I start to say something when he cuts me off and curtly says, "It's a virus. You don't have anything. Go home." I start to say, "But I just...." He cuts in with, "If you want another opinion, go to a different doctor." I say, "No, I DON'T want another opinion, I trust you, I just want to know..." "Listen, I'm getting frustrated, we're running out of time." "Well if you give me a chance I'll ask my question. The way the nurse stated it, made it sound like the anitbiotics are potentially masking..." "No. We would have seen it." "And the symptoms?" "They're nothing. I didn't want to be rude before, but they don't even have strawberry tongues, it's nothing." "And the white patches?" "Tons of stuff. Any virus." He opens the door. I ask "So what do you think it could be?" "Anything."
And he's gone. And I'm about two inches tall and hiding in the corner. I want to cry. I don't want to walk out of there with my happy kids who have no clue how humiliated I feel. I apologive to the receptionist so that when I show my face there again at least she knows I wasn't TRYING to be THAT KIND of patient.
I don't know what set him off. Maybe when I walked in and said, "I was right!" in a joking voice, because I HAD gotten sicker. Maybe it was me talking about strep the whole time instead of waiting for the positive result. I don't know.
But I think that even if I ticked him off (unintentionaly. I had NO clue where he came from being so angry) that he still reacted unprofessionaly. I mean, who's paying who, here? Why is it that I can't ask questions about a virus, that though I know it can't be treated doesn't mean I don't have questions.
Why is it that I can't make sure, ABSOLUTELY sure, that we don't have strep? Part of me was angry that there was never a first swab before I took the round of antibiotics, and I'll never now know if I had had it at all.
But mostly, I was embarassed, shocked, angry. So I was wrong. Don't I still have a right to make SURE I'm wrong? Aren't I still a person who lost sleep with worry, with a sore throat, with a child who threw up once out of nowhere? Don't I deserved at least a caring tone explaining WHY I am wrong vs. a "It's nothing I can help, go home" attitude?
When did doctors stop caring and stop trying to HELP? Why did he think I was attacking HIM? If I wanted meds, I'd have asked for them despite the outcome. I don't do that. I was caught off guard, so I wanted to make sure what I was hearing, that's all.
In fact, I was wrong earlier this week. I took Boomer to the vet for what I was sure was an ear infection (due to his stratching of the ears and shaking his head) and it was nothing. But the vet prescribed antibiotics anyway, and I paid for the unnecessary visit and unneeded meds. I took them home, put them on the counter, and thought, "For next time."
I don't want meds. I want answers. If you don't have answers, I understand. But at least be decent enough to explain it to me.
I'm afraid to talk to my friends, the ones I called frantically Friday morning to warn them we had strep again. I'm wondering what they'll think when they hear I'm an idiot who had no idea what I was talking about.
I hope they understand. I hope we're close enough of friends that they won't think less of me. I feel like I can't even tell eveyone for the shame that crawls to my face when I replay the scene in my mind. I felt SO BELITTLED.
And so, I hope that is all for this month. I don't like feeling stupid. I'm anal. I know that. I serve my kids cereal in certain colored bowls, with certain spoons. And if I have dirtied one and it's not available, it bothers me. I go on, but that's who I am. I like straight lines and facts. I like geometry and proofs. And when I'm wrong, I like to be sure.
And in nothing else, my faith in the medical community that was barely there before has now been completely shattered. I dream of the day when we as people can be informed about our bodies and the doctors respect us for it, and they admit their own limitations and treat us like friends or family. When the same scenario ended with this instead of the way it did:
"You know, you're right that a lot of these symptoms appear with strep. I wish they had taken a swab the first time because maybe you didn't have it then, either, we'll never know. But see how their tongues are? It would be darker and more swollen if it were Strawberry Tongue. And the patches on your throat are more common than people realize. It's called "tonsilitus" and it happens whenever they are inflamed and the sores show up. The rapid test is pretty accurate, but if you want, we'll get a culture, and that will also confirm that you have nothing else bacterial in nature. Otherwise, I think you probably have a couple different viruses going around, and if you think you have strep again, feel free to come in, but for now I'd say just drink plenty of fluids and rest. Hope your birthday party goes well!"
Saturday, October 21, 2006
I don't even know what to say...
Last night was the annual "Backyard Brawl," the football game between two close schools and a heated rivalry. But that's not even the point. There was so much more there last night that I don't even know where to begin. And I just wish everyone else knew it, too.
I thought about addressing the fans. Because I know many of you don't get it. You don't see what really goes on, you don't understand the finer details that oil the team. But maybe you'd understand something else.
You know how you yell at the players and scream at the coach? I wonder if you'd really like to get a chance to be him, as you so often claim you'd do a better job of being. Would you like your job performance to be public record, judged by your neighbors, strangers, teenagers, and the community at large? Would you like your weekly goals to be weighed in the morning newspaper, announced for all to see that you either met them, or sadly fell short (again.) How would you like to go on a walk in your town, or step into the library, convenience store, or church, knowing that people will either pat you on the back for a job well done, or else give you a look of pity, or worse, tell you what you should have done instead. Would you be able to handle the pressure of knowing that behind your back, while you are making last-minute decisions, there are hundreds of people who think they know better, and if your decision makes a great play, you are a genius, but if it doesn't, you're the idiot. If you truly think you can do all this, then by all means please come to us for a job. We need good coaches and volunteers, and we'd love to have someone as knowledgeable as you on board.
I'm also thinking about the seniors. Last night was senior night. But 5 of those seniors were either sidelined for good, or playing hurt. Tight End and Linebacker - broken jaw. Offensive and Defensive Lineman - torn ACL. Running Back and Linebacker - staph infection in his heart. Quarterback and Defensive Back - turn knee, which he's played on as best he can until the doctors have finally said no more. Running Back and Defensive Back - twisted ankle that brings him out of the game after every play, but he keeps going back in.
Five seniors. Two captains, enormous talent. Enough that this was to be their year. Our year. Eisenhower's year. Instead, three of them are wondering why they had to face a players worst nightmare: not realizing a certain game or play will be your last. They might play college ball, if they can recover. But I'm sure they look for the recruiters or scouts who should have been watching THEM. Two of them are still trying to play, knowing they could be hurt worse, but knowing for them it's worse not to try. They wanted it that bad, they really did. Instead, they all have to watch helplessly while their younger teammates fight for them.
And I have to go into those younger teammates, because I think this is where most people misunderstand. We have still won five games this year. Two of the games we lost were so close that one less mistake would have made the win. And for any team, that's not bad. But for a team that is now composed of mostly freshman and sophomores, I think that's a heck of a good job.
You see, you may have watched our boys get plowed last night. We made mistakes, we got pushed around. It might have looked like we were 15 yr. old boys playing 18 yr. old men. And we were. You can only gain experience by time. You can only gain the reflexes you need by making the mistakes so you know what to look for. And you can only push as hard as your immature not-quite-developed bodies allow you to. And we did.
Those boys AREN'T seniors. They aren't even juniors, many of them. But they fought hard, all of them. And even though so many hearts were broken this year, there is a team out there that is preparing for next year, and the year after. A team that has now faced more adversity than most face in several years. A team that is playing crippled and has not given up in the fourth quarter for the first time in several years. A team that is learning, play by play, what it means to be a champion.
And I know you wanted it to be THIS year. I know some of you will only see our final record, which will most likely be 5-5. And you will think we haven't improved. But then you must be blind. To be able to win 5 games, most against teams with a better record than ours, with 5 of our seniors either out completely or playing hurt, is a WHOLE lot better than winning 5 games with all your starters in full health.
And then I want to address the Job thing. Not job as in a career, but Job as in the guy in the Bible. Because I feel that's what Boom must feel like this year. Game after game we watched as player after player was hurt. And some not even on the field. And last night was no exception. In fact, it was every mother's nightmare, and player's, too, I'm sure. And to top it off, because of politics I won't go into, there was no ambulance at the game and those 3-5 minutes must have been pure agony for our Wide Receiver and Defensive Back who has made some important plays.
After making a play last night, his foot caught on the field, the field we were playing on because our own was deemed to dangerous with all the mud, and somehow (I'd have to ask if it was a tackle or what) his lower leg got snapped in two and was left dangling at a very wrong angle. Luckily I didn't see it since I don't do good with that kind of thing. But Boom was there holding his hand until they put him on the stretcher. The boy didn't make any sound at all, but squeezed his hand so hard Boom knew he in was in a lot of pain, to say the least. He'll be operated on this morning, and Boom said with that type of injury, he may not be back next year, his senior year. I hope for the players sake, and ours, that will not be the case. But either way, it seems unfair.
And all the while, and I have to ask, Why us? Why this many? Why this year, when things were looking so good?
And lastly, I want to address my husband, the coach. Many people don't understand football. They see it as a barbaric sport with brutal hitting and macho boys trying to prove themselves.
They would be wrong. It's so much more than that for most of them. For those who DO see it as just a game, they are the ones who don't try as hard, who don't put their heart on the line. But for most, football is where they learn who they are. Where they build confidence in themselves. Where they are accepted despite their weight or their looks. For some, it's the only place they feel like a family, or the only time they'll hear the words, "Good job. I'm proud of you."
To those who give me frowns when I explain that my husband couldn't watch the kids because of football, you have no idea what those boys mean to him, and how seriously he takes his job. You aren't there when he's spending hours breaking down film, grading plays, scouting other teams. You weren't there when he spent all night re-writing his playbook for a crippled team. You aren't there when the parents criticize, the fans boo, and reporters misprint quotes. And most importantly, you aren't there on the field when your leg is broken in the worst way, and your coach, your HEAD coach, cares enough to hold your hand and wait with you, cry for you, pray for you. You weren't there after the game when the coach broke down not because HE wanted the win, but because he knew how hard his boys fought, and he felt bad for them.
And last night. Last night his heart was broken. He came home and felt hopeless for the first time this season. This season of injuries and unfairness. He didn't cry. He didn't get mad. He was just defeated. And for the first time in the three years he's been head coach, I sit here crying for him. Because what can you say when the coach is down? Who's there to hold HIS hand? I wish I could do more than hug him. Wish I had words that actually fixed something instead of just soothed over the pain.
And I opened the paper this morning carefully, because I didn't want to read it this time. I wish I could avoid what I know is coming when we see people at church or out and about. Because try as they might, they won't understand. Not completely.
There are a few who understand. At least I hope so. Because it was their boy out there whose hand Boom held. It was their boy in the hospital whom he visited. It was their boy out there who he congratulated, or else comforted. I have heard them say good things about him. And I think, that even if they disagree with his calls sometimes, or if they think their kid should be out there instead of whoever is, I think that they still see his heart. Because that's what makes him a good coach.
It's not the plays, it's not getting to the playoff, it's not winning games. It's caring for the kids, genuinely caring. THAT'S what makes the difference between a good coach and most coaches. And I hope he knows that. I hope that as his heart heals, because eventually it must, he realizes that it doesn't matter what the others think. Those who have come close enough to him to see who he is, they will know. And the others, well, let them talk.
But I know. I know who you are, Boom. I know that you care. And to top it off, I think you ARE a good coach when it comes to playmaking. And you've learned, too. I have never been prouder of you than I have been this year. And though I would have loved to travel to the playoffs with you, I'm just as proud to have you hold you team together long enough to finish the season so no one else gets hurt. I don't know why you were dealt this card, but I admire the way you took it.
And I hope that counts for something.
I thought about addressing the fans. Because I know many of you don't get it. You don't see what really goes on, you don't understand the finer details that oil the team. But maybe you'd understand something else.
You know how you yell at the players and scream at the coach? I wonder if you'd really like to get a chance to be him, as you so often claim you'd do a better job of being. Would you like your job performance to be public record, judged by your neighbors, strangers, teenagers, and the community at large? Would you like your weekly goals to be weighed in the morning newspaper, announced for all to see that you either met them, or sadly fell short (again.) How would you like to go on a walk in your town, or step into the library, convenience store, or church, knowing that people will either pat you on the back for a job well done, or else give you a look of pity, or worse, tell you what you should have done instead. Would you be able to handle the pressure of knowing that behind your back, while you are making last-minute decisions, there are hundreds of people who think they know better, and if your decision makes a great play, you are a genius, but if it doesn't, you're the idiot. If you truly think you can do all this, then by all means please come to us for a job. We need good coaches and volunteers, and we'd love to have someone as knowledgeable as you on board.
I'm also thinking about the seniors. Last night was senior night. But 5 of those seniors were either sidelined for good, or playing hurt. Tight End and Linebacker - broken jaw. Offensive and Defensive Lineman - torn ACL. Running Back and Linebacker - staph infection in his heart. Quarterback and Defensive Back - turn knee, which he's played on as best he can until the doctors have finally said no more. Running Back and Defensive Back - twisted ankle that brings him out of the game after every play, but he keeps going back in.
Five seniors. Two captains, enormous talent. Enough that this was to be their year. Our year. Eisenhower's year. Instead, three of them are wondering why they had to face a players worst nightmare: not realizing a certain game or play will be your last. They might play college ball, if they can recover. But I'm sure they look for the recruiters or scouts who should have been watching THEM. Two of them are still trying to play, knowing they could be hurt worse, but knowing for them it's worse not to try. They wanted it that bad, they really did. Instead, they all have to watch helplessly while their younger teammates fight for them.
And I have to go into those younger teammates, because I think this is where most people misunderstand. We have still won five games this year. Two of the games we lost were so close that one less mistake would have made the win. And for any team, that's not bad. But for a team that is now composed of mostly freshman and sophomores, I think that's a heck of a good job.
You see, you may have watched our boys get plowed last night. We made mistakes, we got pushed around. It might have looked like we were 15 yr. old boys playing 18 yr. old men. And we were. You can only gain experience by time. You can only gain the reflexes you need by making the mistakes so you know what to look for. And you can only push as hard as your immature not-quite-developed bodies allow you to. And we did.
Those boys AREN'T seniors. They aren't even juniors, many of them. But they fought hard, all of them. And even though so many hearts were broken this year, there is a team out there that is preparing for next year, and the year after. A team that has now faced more adversity than most face in several years. A team that is playing crippled and has not given up in the fourth quarter for the first time in several years. A team that is learning, play by play, what it means to be a champion.
And I know you wanted it to be THIS year. I know some of you will only see our final record, which will most likely be 5-5. And you will think we haven't improved. But then you must be blind. To be able to win 5 games, most against teams with a better record than ours, with 5 of our seniors either out completely or playing hurt, is a WHOLE lot better than winning 5 games with all your starters in full health.
And then I want to address the Job thing. Not job as in a career, but Job as in the guy in the Bible. Because I feel that's what Boom must feel like this year. Game after game we watched as player after player was hurt. And some not even on the field. And last night was no exception. In fact, it was every mother's nightmare, and player's, too, I'm sure. And to top it off, because of politics I won't go into, there was no ambulance at the game and those 3-5 minutes must have been pure agony for our Wide Receiver and Defensive Back who has made some important plays.
After making a play last night, his foot caught on the field, the field we were playing on because our own was deemed to dangerous with all the mud, and somehow (I'd have to ask if it was a tackle or what) his lower leg got snapped in two and was left dangling at a very wrong angle. Luckily I didn't see it since I don't do good with that kind of thing. But Boom was there holding his hand until they put him on the stretcher. The boy didn't make any sound at all, but squeezed his hand so hard Boom knew he in was in a lot of pain, to say the least. He'll be operated on this morning, and Boom said with that type of injury, he may not be back next year, his senior year. I hope for the players sake, and ours, that will not be the case. But either way, it seems unfair.
And all the while, and I have to ask, Why us? Why this many? Why this year, when things were looking so good?
And lastly, I want to address my husband, the coach. Many people don't understand football. They see it as a barbaric sport with brutal hitting and macho boys trying to prove themselves.
They would be wrong. It's so much more than that for most of them. For those who DO see it as just a game, they are the ones who don't try as hard, who don't put their heart on the line. But for most, football is where they learn who they are. Where they build confidence in themselves. Where they are accepted despite their weight or their looks. For some, it's the only place they feel like a family, or the only time they'll hear the words, "Good job. I'm proud of you."
To those who give me frowns when I explain that my husband couldn't watch the kids because of football, you have no idea what those boys mean to him, and how seriously he takes his job. You aren't there when he's spending hours breaking down film, grading plays, scouting other teams. You weren't there when he spent all night re-writing his playbook for a crippled team. You aren't there when the parents criticize, the fans boo, and reporters misprint quotes. And most importantly, you aren't there on the field when your leg is broken in the worst way, and your coach, your HEAD coach, cares enough to hold your hand and wait with you, cry for you, pray for you. You weren't there after the game when the coach broke down not because HE wanted the win, but because he knew how hard his boys fought, and he felt bad for them.
And last night. Last night his heart was broken. He came home and felt hopeless for the first time this season. This season of injuries and unfairness. He didn't cry. He didn't get mad. He was just defeated. And for the first time in the three years he's been head coach, I sit here crying for him. Because what can you say when the coach is down? Who's there to hold HIS hand? I wish I could do more than hug him. Wish I had words that actually fixed something instead of just soothed over the pain.
And I opened the paper this morning carefully, because I didn't want to read it this time. I wish I could avoid what I know is coming when we see people at church or out and about. Because try as they might, they won't understand. Not completely.
There are a few who understand. At least I hope so. Because it was their boy out there whose hand Boom held. It was their boy in the hospital whom he visited. It was their boy out there who he congratulated, or else comforted. I have heard them say good things about him. And I think, that even if they disagree with his calls sometimes, or if they think their kid should be out there instead of whoever is, I think that they still see his heart. Because that's what makes him a good coach.
It's not the plays, it's not getting to the playoff, it's not winning games. It's caring for the kids, genuinely caring. THAT'S what makes the difference between a good coach and most coaches. And I hope he knows that. I hope that as his heart heals, because eventually it must, he realizes that it doesn't matter what the others think. Those who have come close enough to him to see who he is, they will know. And the others, well, let them talk.
But I know. I know who you are, Boom. I know that you care. And to top it off, I think you ARE a good coach when it comes to playmaking. And you've learned, too. I have never been prouder of you than I have been this year. And though I would have loved to travel to the playoffs with you, I'm just as proud to have you hold you team together long enough to finish the season so no one else gets hurt. I don't know why you were dealt this card, but I admire the way you took it.
And I hope that counts for something.
********* Update on injured player **********
After talking with Boom and others today, it turns out the way the player broke his leg was because the cleats dug into the rather old and bad astro-turf, and when his body turned, his foot did not follow, which in turn cleanly snapped both his leg bones. Luckily it was a clean break, so no pins or anything were needed, but he WILL be in a cast for 4-6 months, and whether he’ll get to play next year or not is still in question. Also, it turns out the ambulance took around 15 minutes to get to the field, not a mere 3 or 5, which I estimated because I thought the time SEEMED long, but couldn’t possibly be that long, but it was. An excruciatingly long 15 minutes.
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Bovine in the Backyard....and other stories
Okay, so I like literation. Sue me.
Well, I haven't written anything here for awhile, and the main reason is time and my distaste for modern technology unless I can have it all and update it constantly and fix it instantly.
Anyway, I also figured out that most of the time I have tried to write something I think others might want to read. But let's face it. No one reads my blog, well, maybe ONE person, but that's it. And the reason I REALLY started this blog was for myself and my kids. I save each post and copy it onto a document on my computer, because I always have the fear that one day the internet will mysteriously be shut down forever, and if it wasn't the size of a novel aready, I'd have each page printed out. Just in case I lose my files forever, or by the time my kids are old enough to care about the file, it isn't too old to read on whatever form of technology THEY will have someday.
So, I noticed that I never wrote about a certain incident that was rather funny to me, so I hope the kids will get a kick out of it as well.
When Boomer was still going out to pee in the middle of the night, I got up one night around 4AM and opened the door for him. But instead of walking out and doing his business, he just froze. I wondered what was wrong when I heard it myself: a metal clanging sound just off to the left of us. The only thing metal in the backyard was his pen, and I wondered if a large dog or something was near it. I heard the sound a few more times and then I heard a very LOUD clang RIGHT ON THE BACK PATIO. *I* froze this time. I wanted to close the door so very bad. I didn't know if it was a very large animal or someone with a vendetta (I always worry about students egging our house or something) after us, but I knew that whatever was out there could see ME, even though I could se IT.
I managed enough courage to grab Boomer's lead and pull him in, quickly shutting the door and locking it. Then I ran to the stairway not even letting Boomer loose. I yelled up to Boom, "BOOM! Something or someone is outside on our porch! He bolted down the stairs and into the kitchen, then asked me to get him a t-shirt. (He could have a gun in his hands, but unless he is fully clothed, he'll feel vulnerable.)
He turned on the porch light, which I would have been too scared to do, afraid I'd faint if it was bad enough of a sight, and then he laughed.
I came closer as he said, "It's a COW!" "A cow?" I said. And sure enough, there was a cow, not even 4 feet away from us on the patio outside.
But as the flourescent light warmed up, we noticed that she was not alone. There were four other cows there with her.
Boom tried to figure out if we should call the farmer whose cows they probably were, or just wait until morning a couple hours away when milking time was. But when we made Boomer go outside to pee (knowing he still had to) he was so scared he just barked and they all ran off to the playground, anyway. So we let them go and I'm assuming they made it home eventually.
What what strange was that I actually should have discovered the cows MUCH earlier, and that they had apparently been grazing in our yard all night. When I went to bed around midnight, I thought I heard a "moo" from out front of our house, on the street. Now, back at the trailer, "mooing" was no biggy as my father-in-law had cows that came up past our trailer and behind it. But here in Sugar Grove? On the STREET? There were no close farmers that I'd be able to hear one of THEIR cows, so I figured either I was hearing things, or maybe the Amish were walking a cow down the road for some strange reason, and at midnight.
But I let it go and fell asleep, and until the cows were out of sight did I remember the strange noise I had heard four hours earlier when I went to bed. Mooing, indeed.
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My sister is happily and suprisingly pregnant again, all on their own this time. She even got to see the heartbeat already since she was spotting, and for a week there they worried her because she wasn't far enough along to see anything, and then the numbers were good, but then not as good, but the heart beat was there, so she's feeling much more positive.
She's in for a very busy time with two under 17 months! Congratulations, though!
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I got a new leash for Boomer that I paid more for than most would have. I got a book from the library called, "Think Dog" by John Fisher, and he mentioned a leash he invented that made it basically impossible for the dog to pull ahead and yet did so very gently and without pain so the dog didn't choke or have to be shocked or hurt with a spiked collar. So I looked it up and his collar was made under a different name and it seems it's only made in Britian. I tried buying one from a Bristish site, but even though USA was an option for me to fill out, they don't ship here.
So I tried making my own with just his normal leash, wrapping it around his muzzle, and it worked like a charm except he was able to get it off every few minutes and it took me longer to get it on than it was worth.
So I searched again and finally found a US company that stocks a Britian made leash that's actually even different than the first one I was going to buy, but is the same style, just a different name. They are both very different from the one commonly sold in the US at pet stores, and from forum posts they say the one I bought is much better.
So I paid the $20 for the collar and the $8 for the shipping (perhaps since it was UPS?) and tried it the very day I got it.
I will forever love that leash!!!! It was worth every penny.
I have enjoyed the three walks we have gone on and even other dogs can't get him to jump ahead. Oh, he tries to, but without even moving me an inch, he turns right around and stops because he can't go where he wants. It's quite amazing, really. No choking sounds like he used to make when pulling away, no more tipped stroller because the only way I could hold onto him and push it was to wrap the leash around the stroller. No more straining to get the stroller straight as he pulls on it. No more worrying when another dog passes by and he literally pulls me across the ground trying to hold on.
It's just a pleasant, peaceful, walk. Oh, he tried to rub it off occasionaly, but I figure that small discomfort it worth it for both of us, because, really, how fun can choking the whole time be for him?
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I dove back into my clay the other day, and got frustrated once again as I always do. I won't go into the details (except to say that the one day everything went bad and I burnt a whole batch of granola and almost my fingers and supper was served PAST our bedtime, and it was one of those days I just wanted to be done with so I could start over again) but suffice to say I hate learning curves.
But today I made progress, and tiny as it was, I stopped right there so I could end on a high note, literally.
I made a very succesful, if un-ornamented, whistle, out of clay. The process looked so easy, but it's not, and yet the third time I tried today, doing it my way as well as the right way (as opposed to their way and the right way, hard to explain) it worked. And so I smiled, washed my hands, and offered to play Cand Land with my kids, which I did, happily.
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Of a season that was supposed to be SO promising, instead has arisen so many challenges that one could hardly say that Boom's job this year has been easy.
From week one they have had starter's getting injured and now they are down to just one healthy starter. Two are out for the year, and ironically, it has nothing to do with football. One was a stupid incident that hopefully taught all three boys a lessson. They had decided to trying drinking alcohol and ended up in a fight that broke the one boy's jaw.
The second one happened just this week. We're not sure if it originated with a football injured (getting knocked hard on his leg), but the senior is in the hospital with a staph infection (blood infection.) It's serious enough that his life currently hangs in the balance due to the fact that it's based in his heart, and that if he doesn't respond to the anti-biotics by this weekend, he'll be sent to another hospital because he'll go into cardiac arrenst and need immediate surgery.
So besides worrying about his health, we are now looking at re-writing the entire offensive and defensive strategy for the rest of the year, hoping those with less injuries will recover at some point between here and the end of the season.
But depsite it all, Boom has been more positive than I've ever seen him regarding coaching, and I'm so proud of him. I know he gets down, but he keeps going, and that's what I admire about him. Especially when you coaches like one of our rivals. He's new to the team this year, and Boom actually coached on the staff there before he got this job, while he was subbing in the district.
Anyway, he walked in an talked all big as coaches hand-picked around here are prone to do, but his dreams are quickly slipping away. Someone with inside information has passed on the problems with the program, and they are coming to fruit. Last week after they lost his quote in the paper mentioned that they had a long way to go to get good, and it wouldn't happen in a year (meaning basically that there's no hope anytime soon for this team to win, either here or the years to come, which according to locals - this team is the best talent to come along in a long time at that school, so it's probably not the talest, after all.) This week he apparently "wasn't available at press time for comment, and no stats for the game are available." Which to me says even more than his comment last week.
So I hope that we can limp on and continue playing our hardest. Afterall, even though it would be great for this group of guys to go all the way (though now most of them won't even be playing the rest of the year), there's always the fact that you are BUILDING a team of champions. And champions need to learn how to play without giving up, and that is one lesson our boys have learned well this year. And that in itself is progress.
I love you, Honey. You do great things with those boys. Thank you for working so hard.
Well, I haven't written anything here for awhile, and the main reason is time and my distaste for modern technology unless I can have it all and update it constantly and fix it instantly.
Anyway, I also figured out that most of the time I have tried to write something I think others might want to read. But let's face it. No one reads my blog, well, maybe ONE person, but that's it. And the reason I REALLY started this blog was for myself and my kids. I save each post and copy it onto a document on my computer, because I always have the fear that one day the internet will mysteriously be shut down forever, and if it wasn't the size of a novel aready, I'd have each page printed out. Just in case I lose my files forever, or by the time my kids are old enough to care about the file, it isn't too old to read on whatever form of technology THEY will have someday.
So, I noticed that I never wrote about a certain incident that was rather funny to me, so I hope the kids will get a kick out of it as well.
When Boomer was still going out to pee in the middle of the night, I got up one night around 4AM and opened the door for him. But instead of walking out and doing his business, he just froze. I wondered what was wrong when I heard it myself: a metal clanging sound just off to the left of us. The only thing metal in the backyard was his pen, and I wondered if a large dog or something was near it. I heard the sound a few more times and then I heard a very LOUD clang RIGHT ON THE BACK PATIO. *I* froze this time. I wanted to close the door so very bad. I didn't know if it was a very large animal or someone with a vendetta (I always worry about students egging our house or something) after us, but I knew that whatever was out there could see ME, even though I could se IT.
I managed enough courage to grab Boomer's lead and pull him in, quickly shutting the door and locking it. Then I ran to the stairway not even letting Boomer loose. I yelled up to Boom, "BOOM! Something or someone is outside on our porch! He bolted down the stairs and into the kitchen, then asked me to get him a t-shirt. (He could have a gun in his hands, but unless he is fully clothed, he'll feel vulnerable.)
He turned on the porch light, which I would have been too scared to do, afraid I'd faint if it was bad enough of a sight, and then he laughed.
I came closer as he said, "It's a COW!" "A cow?" I said. And sure enough, there was a cow, not even 4 feet away from us on the patio outside.
But as the flourescent light warmed up, we noticed that she was not alone. There were four other cows there with her.
Boom tried to figure out if we should call the farmer whose cows they probably were, or just wait until morning a couple hours away when milking time was. But when we made Boomer go outside to pee (knowing he still had to) he was so scared he just barked and they all ran off to the playground, anyway. So we let them go and I'm assuming they made it home eventually.
What what strange was that I actually should have discovered the cows MUCH earlier, and that they had apparently been grazing in our yard all night. When I went to bed around midnight, I thought I heard a "moo" from out front of our house, on the street. Now, back at the trailer, "mooing" was no biggy as my father-in-law had cows that came up past our trailer and behind it. But here in Sugar Grove? On the STREET? There were no close farmers that I'd be able to hear one of THEIR cows, so I figured either I was hearing things, or maybe the Amish were walking a cow down the road for some strange reason, and at midnight.
But I let it go and fell asleep, and until the cows were out of sight did I remember the strange noise I had heard four hours earlier when I went to bed. Mooing, indeed.
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My sister is happily and suprisingly pregnant again, all on their own this time. She even got to see the heartbeat already since she was spotting, and for a week there they worried her because she wasn't far enough along to see anything, and then the numbers were good, but then not as good, but the heart beat was there, so she's feeling much more positive.
She's in for a very busy time with two under 17 months! Congratulations, though!
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I got a new leash for Boomer that I paid more for than most would have. I got a book from the library called, "Think Dog" by John Fisher, and he mentioned a leash he invented that made it basically impossible for the dog to pull ahead and yet did so very gently and without pain so the dog didn't choke or have to be shocked or hurt with a spiked collar. So I looked it up and his collar was made under a different name and it seems it's only made in Britian. I tried buying one from a Bristish site, but even though USA was an option for me to fill out, they don't ship here.
So I tried making my own with just his normal leash, wrapping it around his muzzle, and it worked like a charm except he was able to get it off every few minutes and it took me longer to get it on than it was worth.
So I searched again and finally found a US company that stocks a Britian made leash that's actually even different than the first one I was going to buy, but is the same style, just a different name. They are both very different from the one commonly sold in the US at pet stores, and from forum posts they say the one I bought is much better.
So I paid the $20 for the collar and the $8 for the shipping (perhaps since it was UPS?) and tried it the very day I got it.
I will forever love that leash!!!! It was worth every penny.
I have enjoyed the three walks we have gone on and even other dogs can't get him to jump ahead. Oh, he tries to, but without even moving me an inch, he turns right around and stops because he can't go where he wants. It's quite amazing, really. No choking sounds like he used to make when pulling away, no more tipped stroller because the only way I could hold onto him and push it was to wrap the leash around the stroller. No more straining to get the stroller straight as he pulls on it. No more worrying when another dog passes by and he literally pulls me across the ground trying to hold on.
It's just a pleasant, peaceful, walk. Oh, he tried to rub it off occasionaly, but I figure that small discomfort it worth it for both of us, because, really, how fun can choking the whole time be for him?
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I dove back into my clay the other day, and got frustrated once again as I always do. I won't go into the details (except to say that the one day everything went bad and I burnt a whole batch of granola and almost my fingers and supper was served PAST our bedtime, and it was one of those days I just wanted to be done with so I could start over again) but suffice to say I hate learning curves.
But today I made progress, and tiny as it was, I stopped right there so I could end on a high note, literally.
I made a very succesful, if un-ornamented, whistle, out of clay. The process looked so easy, but it's not, and yet the third time I tried today, doing it my way as well as the right way (as opposed to their way and the right way, hard to explain) it worked. And so I smiled, washed my hands, and offered to play Cand Land with my kids, which I did, happily.
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Of a season that was supposed to be SO promising, instead has arisen so many challenges that one could hardly say that Boom's job this year has been easy.
From week one they have had starter's getting injured and now they are down to just one healthy starter. Two are out for the year, and ironically, it has nothing to do with football. One was a stupid incident that hopefully taught all three boys a lessson. They had decided to trying drinking alcohol and ended up in a fight that broke the one boy's jaw.
The second one happened just this week. We're not sure if it originated with a football injured (getting knocked hard on his leg), but the senior is in the hospital with a staph infection (blood infection.) It's serious enough that his life currently hangs in the balance due to the fact that it's based in his heart, and that if he doesn't respond to the anti-biotics by this weekend, he'll be sent to another hospital because he'll go into cardiac arrenst and need immediate surgery.
So besides worrying about his health, we are now looking at re-writing the entire offensive and defensive strategy for the rest of the year, hoping those with less injuries will recover at some point between here and the end of the season.
But depsite it all, Boom has been more positive than I've ever seen him regarding coaching, and I'm so proud of him. I know he gets down, but he keeps going, and that's what I admire about him. Especially when you coaches like one of our rivals. He's new to the team this year, and Boom actually coached on the staff there before he got this job, while he was subbing in the district.
Anyway, he walked in an talked all big as coaches hand-picked around here are prone to do, but his dreams are quickly slipping away. Someone with inside information has passed on the problems with the program, and they are coming to fruit. Last week after they lost his quote in the paper mentioned that they had a long way to go to get good, and it wouldn't happen in a year (meaning basically that there's no hope anytime soon for this team to win, either here or the years to come, which according to locals - this team is the best talent to come along in a long time at that school, so it's probably not the talest, after all.) This week he apparently "wasn't available at press time for comment, and no stats for the game are available." Which to me says even more than his comment last week.
So I hope that we can limp on and continue playing our hardest. Afterall, even though it would be great for this group of guys to go all the way (though now most of them won't even be playing the rest of the year), there's always the fact that you are BUILDING a team of champions. And champions need to learn how to play without giving up, and that is one lesson our boys have learned well this year. And that in itself is progress.
I love you, Honey. You do great things with those boys. Thank you for working so hard.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
I Almost Felt Famous
Well, for those who watch CNN or perhaps even the local news depending on where you live, you might have noticed that the small, rural area we live is was recently brought to the surface of the media when a man-hunt for "Bucky" Phillips ended on Friday night here around 8pm.
For a couple of weeks people have been locking their cars for the first time in decades, people have been looking out for suspicious happenings, and mostly people have been tired of "Bucky" sightings that may actually be OTHER perpetrators who got away with a crime since "Bucky" has been on the run.
For those not familiar with the story, "Bucky" has escaped from jail at least twice, this time with a can-opener through the ceiling. He then eluded police by stealing cars and running back and forth between the New York and Pennsylvania state borders. One day we'd here he was here in Lander or Sugar Grove, the next up in New York, then back in Warren, then up in New York, etc.
The chase became more serious and more dangerous after he shot and killed one state trouper and left one in critical condition in the hospital. He shot them ambush-style with a high-powered assault rifle, so anyone who says he didn't mean it is crazy, in my opinion.
Mostly he escaped police by hiding out with friends and family, many of whom will face charges, as well.
But mostly it was just weird for me since it was actually on CNN, and the day before he was captured he made it to the Top 10 Most Wanted list for the FBI.
And lastly, he ruined our week because all athletic events were cancelled due to the final hours of closing in on him, and a few people almost had to sleep in the local elementary school or fire hall and were not allowed to go home until after he was in custody.
I will miss some of the excitement just because I'm human and it's sometimes fun to say, "Hey, that was in MY town, you know" but mostly I'm just glad he's caught and won't do more damage, and I'm glad life can go on as normal. And I'm thankful that no one I know was hurt and yet at the same time feel guilty that I'm glad it's over, because for at least one wife and one year old child, their agony has only just begun. My heart goes out to them.
For a couple of weeks people have been locking their cars for the first time in decades, people have been looking out for suspicious happenings, and mostly people have been tired of "Bucky" sightings that may actually be OTHER perpetrators who got away with a crime since "Bucky" has been on the run.
For those not familiar with the story, "Bucky" has escaped from jail at least twice, this time with a can-opener through the ceiling. He then eluded police by stealing cars and running back and forth between the New York and Pennsylvania state borders. One day we'd here he was here in Lander or Sugar Grove, the next up in New York, then back in Warren, then up in New York, etc.
The chase became more serious and more dangerous after he shot and killed one state trouper and left one in critical condition in the hospital. He shot them ambush-style with a high-powered assault rifle, so anyone who says he didn't mean it is crazy, in my opinion.
Mostly he escaped police by hiding out with friends and family, many of whom will face charges, as well.
But mostly it was just weird for me since it was actually on CNN, and the day before he was captured he made it to the Top 10 Most Wanted list for the FBI.
And lastly, he ruined our week because all athletic events were cancelled due to the final hours of closing in on him, and a few people almost had to sleep in the local elementary school or fire hall and were not allowed to go home until after he was in custody.
I will miss some of the excitement just because I'm human and it's sometimes fun to say, "Hey, that was in MY town, you know" but mostly I'm just glad he's caught and won't do more damage, and I'm glad life can go on as normal. And I'm thankful that no one I know was hurt and yet at the same time feel guilty that I'm glad it's over, because for at least one wife and one year old child, their agony has only just begun. My heart goes out to them.
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Homeschooling as a Life Preserver
Amid all the doubts that I have about homeschooling (and when I say "doubts", I should clarify that I don't doubt that it's what I want or that I believe that it is best for my children, but I doubt because it's not the "normal" thing to do here and so many people still think a little less of it than makes me comfortable) I keep coming back to one thing that re-affirms my decision: the mothers of schooled children.
Ironically, without me even bringing up the subject of school, mother after mother will tell me that "everything changes when they go to school," or "just wait until they get to school, then they really grow up," or "we had to deal with a lot of negative things they were getting in school" and on and on and on.
And yet they still look at me funny when I say that "actually,.....I'm homeschooling for the first several years...." (Yes, I intend to let my children go to high school if they want since I did enjoy it, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there....)
Anyway, I also know a few parents in our town who's children were Boom's classmates and friends growing up. And when we see these parents in town and ask about their children, too many answer, "Well, they haven't been around lately....you know how kids are." To which in my head I reply, "No. I don't. I can't imagine not seeing my own parents often, and I sure hope my kids never stay away for long from us (barring being across the country or in another country, of course.)
And I couldn't help but conjure up a picture in my head as I thought of all these parents who obviously have lost some connection with their children. Maybe it's as simple as their child growing up too quickly, or some bad language acquired, but overall I see the same look in their faces that they must have felt or still feel somewhat out of control of circumstances. And even though I know each child must make their own choices in life, I believe as parents we have the ability to channel those choices and influence them as much as possible.
And in a world where it seems children are bobbing about in a sea of uncertainties and waves are pulling them away from their families, I see homeschooling as a life preserver that will keep my kids afloat and stable. Maybe there are kids out there who will be able to swim despite the storms of the sea - I was one (in the sense that I maintained a relatively good relationship to my parents.) But those will be few. Too many more will be pulled down by a strong current, or will drift with the latest trend.
I'm not trying to "protect my kids from the world" so that they are sheltered and don't know how to cope. On the contrary, I'm trying to teach them to swim, and until they are strong enough and mature enough to swim on their own, I will make sure I have that life saver available to keep them from going under....to keep them close to me so that as they drift away I simply tug the line in.
I don't think it's wrong to be the biggest influence in their lives instead of other children who are only as bright as their years allow them to be. I don't think it's wrong that we will be their main peers instead of insecure children who judge by shifting measures instead of the true person inside. I don't think it's wrong to give them a firm foundation to stand on before sending them off.
I think it's the best way to show them that we think they are worth the work and time it will take to ensure they have a true understanding of who they are in Christ and where their place in this world is.
Ironically, without me even bringing up the subject of school, mother after mother will tell me that "everything changes when they go to school," or "just wait until they get to school, then they really grow up," or "we had to deal with a lot of negative things they were getting in school" and on and on and on.
And yet they still look at me funny when I say that "actually,.....I'm homeschooling for the first several years...." (Yes, I intend to let my children go to high school if they want since I did enjoy it, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there....)
Anyway, I also know a few parents in our town who's children were Boom's classmates and friends growing up. And when we see these parents in town and ask about their children, too many answer, "Well, they haven't been around lately....you know how kids are." To which in my head I reply, "No. I don't. I can't imagine not seeing my own parents often, and I sure hope my kids never stay away for long from us (barring being across the country or in another country, of course.)
And I couldn't help but conjure up a picture in my head as I thought of all these parents who obviously have lost some connection with their children. Maybe it's as simple as their child growing up too quickly, or some bad language acquired, but overall I see the same look in their faces that they must have felt or still feel somewhat out of control of circumstances. And even though I know each child must make their own choices in life, I believe as parents we have the ability to channel those choices and influence them as much as possible.
And in a world where it seems children are bobbing about in a sea of uncertainties and waves are pulling them away from their families, I see homeschooling as a life preserver that will keep my kids afloat and stable. Maybe there are kids out there who will be able to swim despite the storms of the sea - I was one (in the sense that I maintained a relatively good relationship to my parents.) But those will be few. Too many more will be pulled down by a strong current, or will drift with the latest trend.
I'm not trying to "protect my kids from the world" so that they are sheltered and don't know how to cope. On the contrary, I'm trying to teach them to swim, and until they are strong enough and mature enough to swim on their own, I will make sure I have that life saver available to keep them from going under....to keep them close to me so that as they drift away I simply tug the line in.
I don't think it's wrong to be the biggest influence in their lives instead of other children who are only as bright as their years allow them to be. I don't think it's wrong that we will be their main peers instead of insecure children who judge by shifting measures instead of the true person inside. I don't think it's wrong to give them a firm foundation to stand on before sending them off.
I think it's the best way to show them that we think they are worth the work and time it will take to ensure they have a true understanding of who they are in Christ and where their place in this world is.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Emotional Dial
If only emotions could be controlled by a dial I would turn them down when I'm overwhelmed, turn them up when I'm apathetic, and tune them out when I can't take it anymore.
But there is no dial and so many different emotions have crashed upon my shore lately. I'll try to list them and be brief since to be otherwise would be insane...
- Broken-hearted as we attend VBS at our old church (me and the kids, Boom has football.) The one thing I felt really bad about was taking Pumpkin out of the place where she had bloomed and opened up. All her friends upon seeing her exclaimed, "Amber's here!!" and her teacher didn't realize we had left the church until tonight when I told him, and had been looking forward to Cubbies (Awana) in the fall, and said, "Oh, and she was my favorite..." It almost made me want to cry. Our new church isn't bad at all, but it's much smaller, so Pumpkin only has ONE child her age in her class, the same boy we see weekly with his family.
- Happy and Hopeful at our new church. I have made many new friends whom I see on a more regular basis with either football, the library and other community events, or a playdate. The playdate friend is the pastor's daughter and the youth pastor's wife. Their son is Pumpkin's age and their daughter is a few months younger than Rugger.
- Frustrated and Depressed about the clay situation. I want my kiln hooked up so I can move forward. I wonder if I'm really any good, and I wish I could practice more to find out. I wonder if I'll be good enough to make ANY type of profit from it, and when I'll find the time to make enough to sell if I can.
- Torn about my homeschooling decision. As a child I was always on the outside looking at the IN crowd. Not by choice, but by their default. I was the one they chose to pick on. So I became a people pleaser, wanting only ONE thing all my life - to be accepted and fit in. And though it defies odds, I keep choosing things in my adult life that put me outside of that "normal" circle (ie. homebirth, cloth diapers, co-sleeping, etc.) And so the one thing I have NEVER wanted for my children was for them to not be included, liked, wanted. And I realized as all of Pumpkins friends/relatives that are her age will be in pre-school next year, and she won't. And if you ask her, she'd love to go to school (it's on TV, in her books, and she has toys that depict "school.") And I realize that I, *I* am the one who is placing her on the outside looking in, I'm setting her apart, making her "odd." And it rips me apart.
- Encouraged by the movie "Spanglish" when Adam Sandlers says, "You have to root for 'odd' verses 'the same'" and then at the end when the author of the essay states, "one thing defines me: I am my mother's daughter." I of course cried and hoped that maybe my daughter will be okay, afterall.
- Worried that my happy life will someday be shattered. As I lay in bed the other night after Rugger had just nursed to sleep and Pumpkin was sleeping in the bed a few feet away, I wanted for a moment to freeze time; to stay right where we were and not move forward in time, where tragedy or sorrow or despair might hit us at any point in time. For here there was only peace, happiness, and contentment. And my heart clenched to think that it may not always be so.
But there is no dial and so many different emotions have crashed upon my shore lately. I'll try to list them and be brief since to be otherwise would be insane...
- Broken-hearted as we attend VBS at our old church (me and the kids, Boom has football.) The one thing I felt really bad about was taking Pumpkin out of the place where she had bloomed and opened up. All her friends upon seeing her exclaimed, "Amber's here!!" and her teacher didn't realize we had left the church until tonight when I told him, and had been looking forward to Cubbies (Awana) in the fall, and said, "Oh, and she was my favorite..." It almost made me want to cry. Our new church isn't bad at all, but it's much smaller, so Pumpkin only has ONE child her age in her class, the same boy we see weekly with his family.
- Happy and Hopeful at our new church. I have made many new friends whom I see on a more regular basis with either football, the library and other community events, or a playdate. The playdate friend is the pastor's daughter and the youth pastor's wife. Their son is Pumpkin's age and their daughter is a few months younger than Rugger.
- Frustrated and Depressed about the clay situation. I want my kiln hooked up so I can move forward. I wonder if I'm really any good, and I wish I could practice more to find out. I wonder if I'll be good enough to make ANY type of profit from it, and when I'll find the time to make enough to sell if I can.
- Torn about my homeschooling decision. As a child I was always on the outside looking at the IN crowd. Not by choice, but by their default. I was the one they chose to pick on. So I became a people pleaser, wanting only ONE thing all my life - to be accepted and fit in. And though it defies odds, I keep choosing things in my adult life that put me outside of that "normal" circle (ie. homebirth, cloth diapers, co-sleeping, etc.) And so the one thing I have NEVER wanted for my children was for them to not be included, liked, wanted. And I realized as all of Pumpkins friends/relatives that are her age will be in pre-school next year, and she won't. And if you ask her, she'd love to go to school (it's on TV, in her books, and she has toys that depict "school.") And I realize that I, *I* am the one who is placing her on the outside looking in, I'm setting her apart, making her "odd." And it rips me apart.
- Encouraged by the movie "Spanglish" when Adam Sandlers says, "You have to root for 'odd' verses 'the same'" and then at the end when the author of the essay states, "one thing defines me: I am my mother's daughter." I of course cried and hoped that maybe my daughter will be okay, afterall.
- Worried that my happy life will someday be shattered. As I lay in bed the other night after Rugger had just nursed to sleep and Pumpkin was sleeping in the bed a few feet away, I wanted for a moment to freeze time; to stay right where we were and not move forward in time, where tragedy or sorrow or despair might hit us at any point in time. For here there was only peace, happiness, and contentment. And my heart clenched to think that it may not always be so.
Aren't They CUTE!!!
Okay, so I haven't posted a kid pic in awhile, and I thougt that I should because the world is missing out by not seeing my adorable duo. And now that I've cut Rugger's hair REALLY short for the first time, I realize just how much he's not a baby, anymore, so I like that he still looks it in this picture...
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Fairies, Knights, and Men In Tights
Yes I'm still here, and no, this isn't going to be a weird post. I simply want to update my life in the past few weeks.
First off, since my last post, we have read the book, "Ceasar's Way" by the famed Dog Whisperer on the National Geographic Channel. And it has helped some with caring for Boomer. We now walk him every day and we do keep him outside all day, which still depresses me some, but I have hope that he'll get better and better and eventually be able to be with us all the time.
A couple of weekends ago Boom and I went to the Gread Lakes Medieval Faire in Astabula, Ohio. We had a lot of fun, even though it rained most of the time and it was a huge mud puddle. But for our first medieval faire, it was pretty cool. I guess there are many other bigger, better fairs out there, but this one was close enough to drop the kids off with my parents and it fell during a time when Boom could actually go, vs. , say, the Pittsburgh Renaissance Festival which falls during football season.
So, overall, it was good. I bought a bamboo flute even though I couldn't play a flute before (in a couple of days I was actually playing a tune) and I wanted an ocarina, but I'll have to buy one off the net, I guess. They didn't have any potters or wood carvers there, so that disappointed me, but oh, well.
The next weekend my parents came out for the annual Sugar Grove Garage Sales Day. On Friday we went to Bemus Point, NY, which is only 20 minutes from here and enjoyed window shopping (and some real shopping) and then a wonderful lunch, and then even went swimming in a small little beach where there was only two other families. And when the kids got tired of swimming, they went to the playground across the street.
Saturday was hot and sunny, and we did okay with our junk, and the football boosters sold hotdogs and hamburgs, pop and candy in front of our house and made out okay (after they almost didn't do it for lack of interest or belief that they wouldn't make anything.) Next year they'll be here earlier and probably make even more profit. I had a fun day as I like crowds and made a few deals on books and toys, myself.
This past weekend was the Big 30 Game, an all-star game between North Western PA and South Western NY, with profits going to charities. Boom was honored to be chosen as the head coach this year, though the politics and driving distance for the practices made it also quite a hassel. But we won, pretty well with a final score of 40-20, with two of their touchdowns scored off of our penalties and the last scored in the final seconds of the game. The only down side is that it's such a big rivalry that both teams had a lot of un-sportman-like conduct, which both coaches tried to control but basically since the boys are seniors, they know there will be no punishment come Monday...they are done with the coaches after the game.
Over all I had fun watching the game, though.
So that's basically it, I guess. The electricity is ALMOST done in the house, just a switch-over away and then I can hook up my kiln. MY KILN!!!! So I'm dying with impatience for that, but there's not much I can do, so I just wait. And maybe make a phone call this week....we'll see.
Other than that, my kids are doing wonderful and are witty as ever, and I'm actually, yes, actually considering maybe having more some day. Considering.....
First off, since my last post, we have read the book, "Ceasar's Way" by the famed Dog Whisperer on the National Geographic Channel. And it has helped some with caring for Boomer. We now walk him every day and we do keep him outside all day, which still depresses me some, but I have hope that he'll get better and better and eventually be able to be with us all the time.
A couple of weekends ago Boom and I went to the Gread Lakes Medieval Faire in Astabula, Ohio. We had a lot of fun, even though it rained most of the time and it was a huge mud puddle. But for our first medieval faire, it was pretty cool. I guess there are many other bigger, better fairs out there, but this one was close enough to drop the kids off with my parents and it fell during a time when Boom could actually go, vs. , say, the Pittsburgh Renaissance Festival which falls during football season.
So, overall, it was good. I bought a bamboo flute even though I couldn't play a flute before (in a couple of days I was actually playing a tune) and I wanted an ocarina, but I'll have to buy one off the net, I guess. They didn't have any potters or wood carvers there, so that disappointed me, but oh, well.
The next weekend my parents came out for the annual Sugar Grove Garage Sales Day. On Friday we went to Bemus Point, NY, which is only 20 minutes from here and enjoyed window shopping (and some real shopping) and then a wonderful lunch, and then even went swimming in a small little beach where there was only two other families. And when the kids got tired of swimming, they went to the playground across the street.
Saturday was hot and sunny, and we did okay with our junk, and the football boosters sold hotdogs and hamburgs, pop and candy in front of our house and made out okay (after they almost didn't do it for lack of interest or belief that they wouldn't make anything.) Next year they'll be here earlier and probably make even more profit. I had a fun day as I like crowds and made a few deals on books and toys, myself.
This past weekend was the Big 30 Game, an all-star game between North Western PA and South Western NY, with profits going to charities. Boom was honored to be chosen as the head coach this year, though the politics and driving distance for the practices made it also quite a hassel. But we won, pretty well with a final score of 40-20, with two of their touchdowns scored off of our penalties and the last scored in the final seconds of the game. The only down side is that it's such a big rivalry that both teams had a lot of un-sportman-like conduct, which both coaches tried to control but basically since the boys are seniors, they know there will be no punishment come Monday...they are done with the coaches after the game.
Over all I had fun watching the game, though.
So that's basically it, I guess. The electricity is ALMOST done in the house, just a switch-over away and then I can hook up my kiln. MY KILN!!!! So I'm dying with impatience for that, but there's not much I can do, so I just wait. And maybe make a phone call this week....we'll see.
Other than that, my kids are doing wonderful and are witty as ever, and I'm actually, yes, actually considering maybe having more some day. Considering.....
Monday, July 03, 2006
The Ups & Downs of Life
Well, for the most part my life seems to boring and busy to write about, but I suppose if I have a blog I really SHOULD try to use it more often.
Anyway, this past week and a half has been an emotional roller coaster ride. Some of that is hormones, but the rest is just life.
Two Thursdays ago we went to the zoo - Boom, me, Rugger and Pumpkin. The Erie Zoo, that is. Small but close by. We spent a good three hours there, stopping for lunch at the park next door so they could play on the playground. We had a wonderful time and afterwords Boom headed back for home and the kids and I headed off to Ohio for the week.
Well, more accurately, we would go to Indiana fo the weekend, then spend a few days in Ohio. Boom had a linemen camp up at Edinboro University Sunday through Wednesday (where his team was the best this year!) and so we had to go without him.
On Friday we traveled out to Indiana and on Saturday was the reunion, after which we went to my cousin's house to swim a little and eat and chat. We haven't seen them at the reunion much in years past, and it was nice to see them there and visit at their house.
Sunday we went to my Uncle's church and then back to his house for lunch and then the long ride (5 hours plus stops) home again. I made a few hemp necklaces for the first time, and the kids actually did great on the trip out AND back. We had the portable DVD player which decided to work intermittenly due to the back lite going bad, but otherwise we had a good two hours where they were occupied by a movie.
Monday we went grocery shopping and spent some time at my sister's with her and the baby, then Tuesday we went bowling since my mom takes my Grandma to her league, and Rugger just HAD to bowl all by himself, lugging the 6 lb. ball and tossing it sideways.
Then Wednesday we had a great time at the Cleveland Zoo. First time I've been there in a long time, so long that I don't remember the first time I've been there as a small child. The first thing we saw was the elephants since the Erie Zoo and the Akron Zoo (which we visited last year) don't have elephants.
And BOY! did we see the elephants! They went in to eat and we got to watch the keeper spray down the elephant, giving the elephant hand signals to turn around, lift his legs, etc. The kids were absolutely enthralled!
After the zoo we traveled home and ate at CiCi's, a pizza buffet which I had for the first time.
Then Thursday we came home, me driving by myself for the first time on that route, and with the kids.
And that's when the depression hit. Home. Where Mom isn't doing the laundry, making the meals, and entertaining the kids (don't ask me how she does all that AND keeps the house looking great...I have no idea.)
Home. Where I have to chase the dog down if he is ever loose even for a second. Where the toys must always be picked up in order to avoid being chewn. Where the doors to other rooms are closed and a gate to upstairs is put up to avoid things being chewn.
And Boom's solution is to just keep the dog outside all day. But it just kills be to do this. If he had another dog to play with, it would be one thing. But he doesn't. So he just lays there. Almost the whole time.
And if we go outside, he'll bark unless he can reach us. Which inevitably ends up being work the entire time we're out since the kids will trip on the cable and he'll keep jumping after them or trying to reach their toys. And if I go on a walk, I feel guilty leaving him behind, but then I end up pulling him back the entire walk since he doesn't know how to heel, and then I chase him down because I let him loose at the creekbed.
And so we've come to a conclusion: either we give the dog to one of Jim's brother's friends who broke down in tears while we were away because he played with the dog who reminded him of his own who was shot by his neighbor last year. He's a good kid, though he drinks, and we know he'd take good care of him. And if he doesn't want him, then I will have to somehow change my thinking so that I can pretend that I don't have a dog all day long in order to enjoy my kids without guilt. It's just that 100 or more pounds of dog don't mix very well with 30 lb. toddlers. And 30 lb. toddlers don't comprehend how not to get to near the dog so he won't lick them, or how to jump over the cable before it wraps around your leg, or how the dog isn't killing you when it licks the crumbs off of your chair, etc.
So that's were we are at. Back home and back to reality. I didn't miss the dog while we were gone; I enjoyed the freedom of not worrying about it. And I wish I hadn't been so stuipd as to think I could handle a dog at this point in time. And even worse, that it was a full breed so we are pretty much out of several hundred dollars at this point, which we could have used for other things of course.
So one way or the other, it was an expensive lesson learned. And if we DO keep him, I guess I don't mind. I just am not used to ignoring a pet all day. The outside dog we had from the time I was 12 on I DID ignore, but I always felt bad for her. I know she was walked occasionaly and such, but not every day, and I know we didn't always say hi to her and such. And what kind of life is that? All my friends who have dogs have them outside or in a kennel all day, too. So I guess I'm just weird. But I don't get it.....
Anyway, this past week and a half has been an emotional roller coaster ride. Some of that is hormones, but the rest is just life.
Two Thursdays ago we went to the zoo - Boom, me, Rugger and Pumpkin. The Erie Zoo, that is. Small but close by. We spent a good three hours there, stopping for lunch at the park next door so they could play on the playground. We had a wonderful time and afterwords Boom headed back for home and the kids and I headed off to Ohio for the week.
Well, more accurately, we would go to Indiana fo the weekend, then spend a few days in Ohio. Boom had a linemen camp up at Edinboro University Sunday through Wednesday (where his team was the best this year!) and so we had to go without him.
On Friday we traveled out to Indiana and on Saturday was the reunion, after which we went to my cousin's house to swim a little and eat and chat. We haven't seen them at the reunion much in years past, and it was nice to see them there and visit at their house.
Sunday we went to my Uncle's church and then back to his house for lunch and then the long ride (5 hours plus stops) home again. I made a few hemp necklaces for the first time, and the kids actually did great on the trip out AND back. We had the portable DVD player which decided to work intermittenly due to the back lite going bad, but otherwise we had a good two hours where they were occupied by a movie.
Monday we went grocery shopping and spent some time at my sister's with her and the baby, then Tuesday we went bowling since my mom takes my Grandma to her league, and Rugger just HAD to bowl all by himself, lugging the 6 lb. ball and tossing it sideways.
Then Wednesday we had a great time at the Cleveland Zoo. First time I've been there in a long time, so long that I don't remember the first time I've been there as a small child. The first thing we saw was the elephants since the Erie Zoo and the Akron Zoo (which we visited last year) don't have elephants.
And BOY! did we see the elephants! They went in to eat and we got to watch the keeper spray down the elephant, giving the elephant hand signals to turn around, lift his legs, etc. The kids were absolutely enthralled!
After the zoo we traveled home and ate at CiCi's, a pizza buffet which I had for the first time.
Then Thursday we came home, me driving by myself for the first time on that route, and with the kids.
And that's when the depression hit. Home. Where Mom isn't doing the laundry, making the meals, and entertaining the kids (don't ask me how she does all that AND keeps the house looking great...I have no idea.)
Home. Where I have to chase the dog down if he is ever loose even for a second. Where the toys must always be picked up in order to avoid being chewn. Where the doors to other rooms are closed and a gate to upstairs is put up to avoid things being chewn.
And Boom's solution is to just keep the dog outside all day. But it just kills be to do this. If he had another dog to play with, it would be one thing. But he doesn't. So he just lays there. Almost the whole time.
And if we go outside, he'll bark unless he can reach us. Which inevitably ends up being work the entire time we're out since the kids will trip on the cable and he'll keep jumping after them or trying to reach their toys. And if I go on a walk, I feel guilty leaving him behind, but then I end up pulling him back the entire walk since he doesn't know how to heel, and then I chase him down because I let him loose at the creekbed.
And so we've come to a conclusion: either we give the dog to one of Jim's brother's friends who broke down in tears while we were away because he played with the dog who reminded him of his own who was shot by his neighbor last year. He's a good kid, though he drinks, and we know he'd take good care of him. And if he doesn't want him, then I will have to somehow change my thinking so that I can pretend that I don't have a dog all day long in order to enjoy my kids without guilt. It's just that 100 or more pounds of dog don't mix very well with 30 lb. toddlers. And 30 lb. toddlers don't comprehend how not to get to near the dog so he won't lick them, or how to jump over the cable before it wraps around your leg, or how the dog isn't killing you when it licks the crumbs off of your chair, etc.
So that's were we are at. Back home and back to reality. I didn't miss the dog while we were gone; I enjoyed the freedom of not worrying about it. And I wish I hadn't been so stuipd as to think I could handle a dog at this point in time. And even worse, that it was a full breed so we are pretty much out of several hundred dollars at this point, which we could have used for other things of course.
So one way or the other, it was an expensive lesson learned. And if we DO keep him, I guess I don't mind. I just am not used to ignoring a pet all day. The outside dog we had from the time I was 12 on I DID ignore, but I always felt bad for her. I know she was walked occasionaly and such, but not every day, and I know we didn't always say hi to her and such. And what kind of life is that? All my friends who have dogs have them outside or in a kennel all day, too. So I guess I'm just weird. But I don't get it.....
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Money, Money, Money...
Well, our credit card company should be happy lately. Not that we don't pay it off, but just that we've been using it more this last two weeks.
We decided to splurge and get a portable DVD player (and I also went ahead and got the carrier so I didn't have to make one, that fits on the front seats so the kids can watch from theirs.) We bought a DVD recorder/VCR combo so we can permanantly burn all our old family tapes and such. And tonight we just purchased a Dell bacis computer because we're tired of this one not being able to do anything since it's "SO" old (not even 10 years???)
Oh, well. At least we'll enjoy all three over and over again, so it's quite worth it. But, OUCH! on the pocket book!
And meanwhile, somewhere in the recess of my brain and the room upstairs my clay is calling to me, but I have had places to go and people to meet and I'm not even close to being done. So my precious passion will have to wait.
We decided to splurge and get a portable DVD player (and I also went ahead and got the carrier so I didn't have to make one, that fits on the front seats so the kids can watch from theirs.) We bought a DVD recorder/VCR combo so we can permanantly burn all our old family tapes and such. And tonight we just purchased a Dell bacis computer because we're tired of this one not being able to do anything since it's "SO" old (not even 10 years???)
Oh, well. At least we'll enjoy all three over and over again, so it's quite worth it. But, OUCH! on the pocket book!
And meanwhile, somewhere in the recess of my brain and the room upstairs my clay is calling to me, but I have had places to go and people to meet and I'm not even close to being done. So my precious passion will have to wait.
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Writings in the Sand
Where do I draw the line? How do I draw the line? More accurately, where does GOD want me to draw the line???
I have been on a journey for the last 3 years. A journey of questions, doubts, worries, and a few brief moments of freedom finding.
Since becoming a parent, I have asked myself 100's of times, How do I present the Truth to my children so they understand and live it?
I know that there is no way I can present the Truth to them if I myself am unsure of it. And therein lies the problem.
I didn't used to be this way. Before. Before I went online. Before I found people who lived their lives differently from me. Who opened up a whole new way of thinking and feeling and living. Who for the most part showed me better alternatives to my narrow way of thinking. Whom without I would have floundered even longer than I have to find a way of parenting infants that fits my style and theirs.
But who also created gaps in my faith. Not on purpose, but by the simple act of stating something I had never thought before.
And so I looked and searched and researched. And answers were many and varied, and I still didn't know. And I still am looking and searching and at times I think I have it until something comes along to shatter it all over again.
How do I know what is Right and Good? For surely there IS a Right and Good? Christ didn't set an example so we could keep on playing in the dirty filth we call fun. But so that we could follow and be light to the dark world around us.
So what IS the light? What is not appropriate for us as Christians? Surely there must be SOMETHING every Christian agrees on? Or isn't there....
"Each person has to decide for themselves." "Only God can tell you where to draw the line." "If it's not in the Bible, it's a grey area, and you have to decide for yourself." etc, etc, etc.
It's the Grey that's killing me. Surely God has an opinion of the grey stuff?? I mean, if there's a Best (Christ) then there must be a worst (opposite of Christ). And the inbetween must fall SOMEWHERE closer to Best or Worst. How can a certain inbetween fall closer to Worst for me, but be closer to Best for you? Or vice versa?
Wouldn't it stand to reason that if one had all his/her Grey matter shoved closer to the Best that there would be hardly ANYTHING they'd consider to be close to being Worst? And wouldn't that technically mean that even something that is Sorta-Worst would end up on their Sorta-Best end instead?
Or from another angle, if someone's line is so close to the edge that even a bump would send them flailing, then wouldn't that mean there is nothing they consider wrong?
So where do you draw the line?
I grew up with the line so far from the edge that I didn't even know what the edge looked like. I was ridiculed for being naive, chastised for being ignorant, and pitied for being sheltered. But I never once came close to falling off that cliff.
On the other hand, I see people dancing on the safety barrier because they, afterall, know they can handle it. It doesn't affect them...
But how can it not? Wouldn't it stand to reason that the closer to the edge you begin, the better chance you have of going over it someday?
But maybe my analogy is wrong. I once was asked if I thought God's Will was like a target, and I didn't get the bullseye then I have missed and messed up my life. Yes, I do think that's what it's like.
But they say it's not. That God can have many plans and as long as you are in His daily will, you are okay. But in my thinking, that still means that eventually you will hit the Bullseye, the Mark, the Goal.
So what IS the truth? How do I find it? I've memorized scripture since I was a kid, and I can talk circles around my OWN theologies, so how to I glean the good stuff and leave the chaff behind? I admit that praying is hard for me. I feel I don't know how to do it right. I talk, I try to listen, I hear nothing. Then I try to guess what I did wrong so I can confess and hear God, and I still don't hear Him.
Why is everyone else comfortable with the choices they've made, but me? And when I think I AM comfortable, I meet someone who disagrees with me, and I begin to doubt again. Especially if GOD told them that THEIR way was right for them. If it's right for them, then perhaps it should be right for me. Afterall, I'm not entirely sure it was God who I heard from in the first place. Maybe it was just wishful thinking on my part.
Yes, I'm a people pleaser, which also translates into me wanting to please God. To the extreme. Give me a list God, I may die trying, but You know I'll try. If it went against everything I feel, I'd still do it. Because I want to get it RIGHT.
I have tried to follow instinct, believing God gave it to me, as a parent. But when all the other Christian parents do something different, then I begin to wonder. God wouldn't tell all the other Mom's one thing and me another, would He? And if so, then how does He expect me to fit in when they start talking about how I should do it "such and such" a way?
So where do I draw the line? How do I draw the line? I feel like the men who accused the woman who was sleeping with a man not married to her, when Jesus began to write in the sand. Maybe they saw what He was writing, but we don't know. But I feel like my lines are all written in the sand, only I can't make them out. And when I think I see where they are, the prevailing winds come and they fade away.
I'm a lot closer to the edge than I have ever been before, and believe me, it's not always easy. I liked being safe, and I'm not convinced that that isn't the better place to be. But I don't know, and I don't know if I'll ever know. But I want to know.
I want it to be more than just writings in the sand.
I have been on a journey for the last 3 years. A journey of questions, doubts, worries, and a few brief moments of freedom finding.
Since becoming a parent, I have asked myself 100's of times, How do I present the Truth to my children so they understand and live it?
I know that there is no way I can present the Truth to them if I myself am unsure of it. And therein lies the problem.
I didn't used to be this way. Before. Before I went online. Before I found people who lived their lives differently from me. Who opened up a whole new way of thinking and feeling and living. Who for the most part showed me better alternatives to my narrow way of thinking. Whom without I would have floundered even longer than I have to find a way of parenting infants that fits my style and theirs.
But who also created gaps in my faith. Not on purpose, but by the simple act of stating something I had never thought before.
And so I looked and searched and researched. And answers were many and varied, and I still didn't know. And I still am looking and searching and at times I think I have it until something comes along to shatter it all over again.
How do I know what is Right and Good? For surely there IS a Right and Good? Christ didn't set an example so we could keep on playing in the dirty filth we call fun. But so that we could follow and be light to the dark world around us.
So what IS the light? What is not appropriate for us as Christians? Surely there must be SOMETHING every Christian agrees on? Or isn't there....
"Each person has to decide for themselves." "Only God can tell you where to draw the line." "If it's not in the Bible, it's a grey area, and you have to decide for yourself." etc, etc, etc.
It's the Grey that's killing me. Surely God has an opinion of the grey stuff?? I mean, if there's a Best (Christ) then there must be a worst (opposite of Christ). And the inbetween must fall SOMEWHERE closer to Best or Worst. How can a certain inbetween fall closer to Worst for me, but be closer to Best for you? Or vice versa?
Wouldn't it stand to reason that if one had all his/her Grey matter shoved closer to the Best that there would be hardly ANYTHING they'd consider to be close to being Worst? And wouldn't that technically mean that even something that is Sorta-Worst would end up on their Sorta-Best end instead?
Or from another angle, if someone's line is so close to the edge that even a bump would send them flailing, then wouldn't that mean there is nothing they consider wrong?
So where do you draw the line?
I grew up with the line so far from the edge that I didn't even know what the edge looked like. I was ridiculed for being naive, chastised for being ignorant, and pitied for being sheltered. But I never once came close to falling off that cliff.
On the other hand, I see people dancing on the safety barrier because they, afterall, know they can handle it. It doesn't affect them...
But how can it not? Wouldn't it stand to reason that the closer to the edge you begin, the better chance you have of going over it someday?
But maybe my analogy is wrong. I once was asked if I thought God's Will was like a target, and I didn't get the bullseye then I have missed and messed up my life. Yes, I do think that's what it's like.
But they say it's not. That God can have many plans and as long as you are in His daily will, you are okay. But in my thinking, that still means that eventually you will hit the Bullseye, the Mark, the Goal.
So what IS the truth? How do I find it? I've memorized scripture since I was a kid, and I can talk circles around my OWN theologies, so how to I glean the good stuff and leave the chaff behind? I admit that praying is hard for me. I feel I don't know how to do it right. I talk, I try to listen, I hear nothing. Then I try to guess what I did wrong so I can confess and hear God, and I still don't hear Him.
Why is everyone else comfortable with the choices they've made, but me? And when I think I AM comfortable, I meet someone who disagrees with me, and I begin to doubt again. Especially if GOD told them that THEIR way was right for them. If it's right for them, then perhaps it should be right for me. Afterall, I'm not entirely sure it was God who I heard from in the first place. Maybe it was just wishful thinking on my part.
Yes, I'm a people pleaser, which also translates into me wanting to please God. To the extreme. Give me a list God, I may die trying, but You know I'll try. If it went against everything I feel, I'd still do it. Because I want to get it RIGHT.
I have tried to follow instinct, believing God gave it to me, as a parent. But when all the other Christian parents do something different, then I begin to wonder. God wouldn't tell all the other Mom's one thing and me another, would He? And if so, then how does He expect me to fit in when they start talking about how I should do it "such and such" a way?
So where do I draw the line? How do I draw the line? I feel like the men who accused the woman who was sleeping with a man not married to her, when Jesus began to write in the sand. Maybe they saw what He was writing, but we don't know. But I feel like my lines are all written in the sand, only I can't make them out. And when I think I see where they are, the prevailing winds come and they fade away.
I'm a lot closer to the edge than I have ever been before, and believe me, it's not always easy. I liked being safe, and I'm not convinced that that isn't the better place to be. But I don't know, and I don't know if I'll ever know. But I want to know.
I want it to be more than just writings in the sand.
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Busy, busy, busy!
This week I:
- Went to a new church for the second time, including Sunday School and a carry-in/annual meeting afterwards.
- Helped Boom move his desk upstairs to the attic, along with my sewing machine and all his stuff
- Moved my desk to the living room and moved the fish tank to the opposite wall
- On Monday I re-arranged the living room which included drilling a hole big enough for two cable wires through our thick double 100 yr. old floor boards, un-splicing and re-splicing phone wire for the computer, moving all furniture and entertainment center and computer
- Went to small meeting at library to discuss a small application tape for "Deal Or No Deal" for one of the group members
- On Tuesday I visited with the pastor's daughter/associate pastor's wife and her kids and the kids she watches; had a great time talking
- Wednesday was shopping day (grocery and Walmart) and then Awana where I felt like a liar and betrayer
- Thursday was story hour and then I made shish-kabobs for supper then we met with the pastor
- Friday another quick errand at the store and then on to a lady from our current church's house where we took 7 hours to make 6 stepping stones for the ladies retreat next weekend (which I'm not going to in case you wanted to know) Wanted to tell her since she's also in charge of Awana, but didn't have to heart or courage to....
- Today I've cleaned all the rooms, almost and tidied up everything and the kids are in the bath, I'm next, then more shish-kabobs.
There - there's my week. How was yours?
- Went to a new church for the second time, including Sunday School and a carry-in/annual meeting afterwards.
- Helped Boom move his desk upstairs to the attic, along with my sewing machine and all his stuff
- Moved my desk to the living room and moved the fish tank to the opposite wall
- On Monday I re-arranged the living room which included drilling a hole big enough for two cable wires through our thick double 100 yr. old floor boards, un-splicing and re-splicing phone wire for the computer, moving all furniture and entertainment center and computer
- Went to small meeting at library to discuss a small application tape for "Deal Or No Deal" for one of the group members
- On Tuesday I visited with the pastor's daughter/associate pastor's wife and her kids and the kids she watches; had a great time talking
- Wednesday was shopping day (grocery and Walmart) and then Awana where I felt like a liar and betrayer
- Thursday was story hour and then I made shish-kabobs for supper then we met with the pastor
- Friday another quick errand at the store and then on to a lady from our current church's house where we took 7 hours to make 6 stepping stones for the ladies retreat next weekend (which I'm not going to in case you wanted to know) Wanted to tell her since she's also in charge of Awana, but didn't have to heart or courage to....
- Today I've cleaned all the rooms, almost and tidied up everything and the kids are in the bath, I'm next, then more shish-kabobs.
There - there's my week. How was yours?
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