The twins are getting so big right now, almost 3. Becca still is a princess at heart and loves to change outfits and shoes all the time. Logan is ALL boy - running, climbing, jumping, and full of energy. Caleb is still my caring, yet questioning, young man, and Amber is my ever-sweet young lady, who is learning to read already!
And me? I'm doing mostly fine :)
I'm gotten back into my clay, even selling ocarinas at the local medieval faire last fall, and hopefully again this summer. I've also done a LOT of searching my heart on the other matters I've written about here.
I can to a point once again where I was trusting men to be faithful (men here meaning "mankind" or humans in general - not the male species of humans.) And once again, they failed me. And I thought that God was not worth it if these are the kind of people who serve Him.
But ironically, while watching the movie "Into the Wild" I couldn't ignore God plainly telling me that it IS in the communication with people that we grow, and that we need to be. Even imperfect people, which we all are.
And so I am. I am imperfect, and will be. And I still don't know where God has called me to be, but I'm hoping that each step I take is where He is, anyway, and He'll still use me there. In my clay, in my circle of crunchy women, in my neighborhood, and even with the lonely Amish woman whose husband is an alcoholic and now they've been shunned.
I still don't have all the answers, and even more questions. But I think that's okay. If God is who He says He is, then I don't need to know it all in order to bring His love to everyone I meet.
I have learned not to be so critical or judgmental (Oh, I still have plenty of opinions!) But I try to see it from other people's perspective. My way isn't always the best, but I am confident it's the best for me. And I can't make people believe in God or trust in Him. I have to trust that He will call them in His own time, and in the meantime I can only live the best I can and LOVE ON EVERYONE.
Stopping abortions doesn't change lives. Taking away condoms doesn't change lives. But loving people ALWAYS changes lives.
In some small way, me caring about women, and babies, and nursing, and co-sleeping, and friendship...these all tie in with what God wants for us to be as people. Loving, caring, and representing His love to each other.
I firmly believe, and I know many will disagree, that attachment parenting best represents the love God has for his people. If not, then frankly I DON'T want to be part of His family. Why would I want to worship someone who doesn't love me with everything He has? But he does, and he did, and he will...
I also don't think that the Sandra Dodd websites were helping me much. They were lost in their own self-righteous world of do's and don'ts, though they may not see it that way.
I'm floating by for now, and Amber is not that old, and maybe at some point I will add curiculum. But for now we're doing what works for us. And that's fine.
And maybe next year I gain new insights, and change my ideas about some things, and that's okay, too.
I would also like to point out that I made many new friends in 2009. I met a bunch of wonderful women through my midwife up in Erie, and the biggest downside is that they live an hour away. But it's so refreshing to have other women who parent like me who I can talk to without being defensive or sounding odd. The only downside is that I'm afraid they would think less of me if I explained that the reason I don't go to the labyrinths and such with them is that I feel odd being a Christian and doing those things. I'm not even sure they are wrong for me, but for now they feel so, and so I stay away. But I love these women dearly, and I am grateful for them daily.
I also made a group of friends at a small Bible study with Joyce, and these girls are the first group of CHRISTIAN women I've felt at home with. I think because they all admit they aren't perfect, either.
And lastly, we lost a dear friend last year, our dear tom cat Cebu. He was almost 11 years old, when he got a small scratch from another cat that I didn't notice until too late. They had to perform surgery on him, and besides having blood poisoning already, he never woke up when they were done. That morning he was playful and happy, and it was the last thing we ever expected to happen, and my heart still mourns for him. He is dearly missed, even though we ended up getting a new kitten from my in-laws.
And that pretty much sums up 2009. It was overall a year of growth and happiness, with a little bit of life thrown in for good measure.
