Wednesday, December 21, 2005

The Ghosts of Christmas...and other musings

Well, I know I haven't posted in awhile. I guess I figure my life is too boring to share with the world right now, though I will update you all (you all being the very small number who might actually be reading this.)

Thanksgiving was okay, but more depressing than normal. I was so hoping that now that there are two other babies at the family gathering (my sister didn't come since my nephew was only a few days old) I would feel more at ease with my own. But instead, I just felt the stark difference once again between my style of parenting and "everyone else's."

I was the only one who nursed my child, and he was 15 mo., their babies were 5 mo. old. As they talked about sleeping through the night or working on it, I mentioned that I STILL nurse my son every 3 hours at night, and got blank stares.

After the birth of my nephew (long story but I was emotionally down after that as well because of the differences in my choices vs. my sisters...not bad, just different, but I felt defeated) I was already feeling low, but after Thanksgiving I felt totally down. I cried for a whole day just wishing that for once in my life I wasn't "different" from everyone around me.

Ever since I was little I just wanted to fit in, be in the "in" crowd. But I never compromised WHO I was to do so (thank goodness!) However, it doesn't hurt any less now that I know I'm making the right choices for my family. I still want to belong to the majority, and I don't. Period.

But this last week I felt good. I had our reading club on Monday and got to chat and laugh. On Friday we did a small neighborhood (3 houses and one other neighbor) Progressive Dinner. I had a lot of fun with that! I was the Salads and the first stop, and we talked and talked that night! The kids had a blast as well. Pumpkin just plays right along with all her little friends now. She is SO social now! I love it!

I also went to see my one friend on Thursday last week, and I had fun. Though of course it was one of those days that you aren't supposed to drive unless you NEED to, so by the time I left for home, I was driving 30 mph on a 55 road, and cars were probably swearing behind me. But I CAN'T drive in winter! Sorry!

Pumpkin did two small songs with her preschool class at church, and was so cute. I was in a small skit before Thanksgiving, which I enjoyed, though I was sad because no one sat with us at the dinner, like usual. I just want a couple of REAL friends...is that all to ask? A couple of people who make an EFFORT to be with us, to talk to us, to keep in touch with us.

I don't have anyone who fits that description in my life right now, save the one friend I saw on Thursday, and there are issues with them not really understanding the Christian life since they didn't come from that kind of background and aren't with other believers ever to learn. So she is a great friend, but can't encourage me in my walk with God, yet.

Anyway, the rest of my life is same old, same old. Kids do cute stuff. I clean house. I play with clay but can't fire it because I don't have my kiln hooked up yet and am waiting to build the wheel because there's nowhere to put it yet.

On the positive side, I made Christmas cut out cookies a couple of days ago. I looked all day for a recipe that was hard and crunchy, like bakeries sell, but no such luck. I thought that Pumpkin's Cubbie's leader might have a recipe, since they frosted cookies in her class that were those crisp bakery cookies, but it turns out she bought the dough....from a bakery! So if anyone out there has a recipe for those crisp, hard bakery sugar cookies, PLEASE send them my way!

And now on to the reason for the title of this post (see, I got ya!)

Yesterday when Boom got to school, there were gifts waiting for him in front of another teacher's classroom (he thinks the gift-giver didn't' know which room was his.) There were three gifts, one marked from "The Ghost of Christmas Past" which had an expensive book called "What If" (collected version, where "Eminent Historians Imagine What Might Have Happened.") A second gift from "The Ghost of Christmas Present" included the Life Books "The War In Iraq." and the third gift from "The Ghost of Christmas Future" contained some thin mints, orange cream thin mints, peanut brittle, and "reindeer corn" (candy corn with Christmas colors.)

Boom thinks that it might have been his old History teacher that left the gift, based on the choice of books and lack of knowing where his room was. He thinks the football boosters wouldn't have left History stuff, but football stuff. So, we aren't really sure who it was. But I wish we could get together with his old history teacher. I loved talking to his wife. They are a neat couple. I wish I could say the same for their sons, but alas, I only knew Boom's best friend since we've been together, and most of his good memories with him happened before.

So that's my life in the last two months in a nut shell. Hope you sort of enjoyed it. I did.